Kevin and His Amazing Multi-shaded Vision Coat

18 Thursday Apr 2013

Posted by boldkevin in Christianity, Healing, Journal Entry, Mental Health, Mental Illness

Tags

Christianity and Depression, Christianity and Mental Health, Mental Health, Mental Illness, Personal Journal

Not knowing where he was, not understanding how he was where he was, how he got there, what had happened, he looked around.

What he was sure of was that he had not been here before. What he was also fairly sure of, well as sure as one can be in such circumstances, was that just moments ago he was laying asleep in his bed.

But now, well now, he was somehow somewhere completely different and completely new. And so, bewildered and bemused, he stood and looked around him.

There before him lay a long narrow path leading to a small hill. Next to it was a long crystal clear river. Looking down he saw his reflection in the river, and it was then that he noticed his clothes, or more specifically the long amazing multi-shaded coat that he was wearing.

Taking the hem of his coat in his hand he looked at the fabric. To his amazement it was made up of tiny pictures. Pictures of things that had happened in his life. Things he had done with others, to others, for others, and things that others had done with, or for, or to him.

As he viewed them he soon noticed that some were colorful and happy, whilst others were dark, grey or black and white.

Looking down at his reflection in the river once more he couldn’t help thinking how much more colorful his coat would be if it only contained bright, colored pictures.

Returning his attention to his surroundings he then spotted what he thought was a figure on the hill in the distance. Static, almost surreal, the figure seemed to be beckoning him onwards.

He considered his circumstance. He knew not where he was or how he got there. He knew not where he should go, nor indeed who the figure in the distance was. And yet somehow he was neither concerned nor afraid. Somehow he was but at peace.

Walking on he slowly approached the figure who had beckoned him and on approaching him he could sense such peace and love from this man.

“Can you tell me why I am here, or even where I am?” He asked the figure.

“Has not your life, for so long now, been leading on this self-same path?” Was the smiled and only response from the man.

Kevin thought for a moment or two.

“You seem confused.” The man suggested.

“Have I died?” Kevin asked. “Is my walk now over?”

“No my child.” The man comforted him. “This is but a vision, a momentary pause.”

“Why?” Kevin asked. “Why the pause?”

“Perhaps there is something you must learn.” Came the gentle response. “Is there something on your heart?”

At first Kevin remained silent, and then slowly he looked once more at the coat he was wearing.

“Yes my child?” Came the gentle encouragement for Kevin to give voice to his thoughts.

“Um, well, I mean, well it’s this coat,” Kevin spoke softly almost nervously. “It seems to be made up of so many wonderful pictures. Pictures of my life. Bright, colorful happy pictures, and yet amongst them are so many dark, black and white and less happy pictures.”

“Yes indeed.” The man smiled. “And?”

“Well,” Kevin continued, “I know that you have brought me this far and indeed through all of those times, but I wanted so very much to stand before you and make you proud of me.” Again he fumbled with the fabric of his coat. “And it’s just that, well I can’t help wondering, thinking, how much better my coat would look if none of the darker, sadder, black and white pictures were there.”

Sheepishly Kevin looked up into the eyes of the man before him.

Gently taking Kevin by the hand the man led him once more to the river side.

Look at your reflection,” he told him.

Kevin did as he was told and to his amazement all of the darker, sadder, black and white pictures had gone.

Tears began to form in Kevin’s eyes and then trickle slowly down his cheeks.

“What is wrong my child?” The man asked lovingly.

“It’s my coat.” Kevin offered through his tears, “It has lost all of his marvel and wonder.” He sniffled as he lifted the fabric to show the man.

“I thought that if all the sadder, darker greyer, black and white pictures were to go,” Kevin continued, “I would be left with wonderful, bright and happy colors.” He glanced once more into the eyes of his companion. “But instead there are holes, gaps, missing pieces, and even the wonderful bright happy colors of the pictures that remain seem less happy, less colorful, less bright.”

The man smiled. “And so the child learns the lesson he was to learn.” He smiled. “For many times in your walk will you face times less happy, less bright, less colorful. Many times will you face sadness, trials, difficulties and even great hardships. But remember even these times have their purpose, and even these times can be used for my glory. Yes even those darkest of times can I use according to my will and my purpose.”

“I, I am so sorry.” Kevin whispered. But his words were met not with anger or disappointment but with love and warmth as the man simply directed Kevin’s gaze once more to his reflection in the river.

There in front of his eyes his coat was restored to how it was before, no gaps, no tears, no holes, no missing parts. Happy parts, sad parts, shaded parts and glorious colorful parts all back together in their rightful place once more. Once more it was complete and whole again.

Looking up Kevin looked for the eyes that had met him with such love and compassion. But instead of seeing them all he saw was the wall of the bedroom he had been laying in before this had happened.

“Yes Lord, the child has learned the lesson he was too learn.” Kevin whispered through a yawn. “And he is grateful Lord.”

Under Pressure (but smiling through)

12 Friday Apr 2013

Posted by boldkevin in Mental Health Awareness

≈ 3 Comments

Well it is lunch time and I am sat in my favourite local lunch-time eatery here in beautiful Enniscorthy.

Over the past few weeks I have been juggling physical illness, mental fussiness, the tormenting voices and negative internal dialogues with trying to build a website for the big local festival that is coming up. Something that my son volunteered me to do since he is very involved in it’s organisation of it.

It seems so long since I last blogged and I am itching to get back into the swing of regular blogging. Hence my sitting doing so over a lovely and most healthy turkey salad. And the chance to get out of the house is most welcomed as well.

Matt (my son) and his partner Trish, are munching away on their lunches and I am enjoying their company. Actually I have seen a lot of them lately – Matt because of the website and Trish because I have been helping her with her college assignments.

But both of those are a true blessing to me and isn’t that what parents are for?

I can’t help reflecting, as our television screens seem to be filled with more and more seedy programs glorifying and encouraging wayward teenagers, pubescent pranks and perpetual promiscuity, just how blessed I am by my children and their partners.

I am old fashioned – in my parenting, my ways and my attitudes and I make no apologies for that. Additionally my faith instills and requires morals which all too often seem seriously lacking nowadays.

My faith, like my church are core to who I am and are the very foundation of my approach to life, love and parenting.
I am so very thankful for my children but I recognise (and in fact celebrate) that their adulthood ( and indeed their teenage) does not remove them from being my children or from needing the love of a father, it (they) instead simply present us with needing to find new, effective and mutually acceptable ways of showing and offering that love in Christ.

Discussing The Holy Weak.

27 Wednesday Mar 2013

Posted by boldkevin in Bipolar Disorder, Christianity, Depression, Faith, Feelings, Healing, Mental Health, Mental Illness, Relationships

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Bipolar Disorder, Christianity, Christianity and Depression, Christianity and Mental Health, Depression, Faith, Mental Health, Mental Illness, Relationships

Given the time of year and it’s significance to believers the world over I wonder how many of you looked at the title and immediately thought, “Oops Kevin you made a typo in your title in respect of the spelling of ‘Week’.”

Hey, it’s an understandable assumption But the truth is that it is not a typo and I deliberately chose to use the word weak and indeed to write this post at this time because it seems so appropriate and is so on my heart right now.

Holy Week in the Christian’s calendar is the time when perhaps more than any other time we remember Christ’s arrest, trial, torture, crucifixion, burial, resurrection and ultimately His ascension.

But if I may, for the purpose of this post, I would like to invite you to reflect with me on just one aspect of that time – that time after Christ was crucified and before he rose again.

I wonder how the disciples felt at that time? How would you have felt if you had been one of the disciples?

You meet a man who claims to be the Son of God and who changes your life in a radical and unmistakable way. You dedicate your life to Him and He rightly becomes the very center, and in many ways, the very focus of your life.

You spend all of your time with Him, eat with Him, talk with Him, travel with Him. You witness and share in His deep love and compassion for people, see Him speak prophesy, heal the sick, give sight to the blind and mobility to the lame. You witness first hand the miracles and wonders that He performs and you believe with all you heart that “truly He IS the Son of God” and “truly the Kingdom of God is upon us!”

And then suddenly He is taken from you!

This ‘Son of God’, this ‘Promised One’, this ‘Messiah’, this ‘Saviour of the World’ was; betrayed by one of your own, arrested, tortured, placed on trial, and then crucified!

“Will He come down off the cross?”, “Will God smite His enemies and rescue Him?”, “Will the heavens open and God Himself speak?”, “Does this sudden darkness mean God is about to act?” These are all understandable questions aren’t they? Realistic expectations?

But no. None of that happens? Instead He dies and is taken away and buried in a tomb.

He is gone!

As suddenly as He came into your life, He is gone from it.

All that is left is a sealed tomb and an empty cross!

All that you are left with are questions and a deep longing in your heart”

How would you feel? What thoughts and questions would flood through your mind? What would you do?

Go to that tomb? Wait for something to happen? Perhaps return to that now empty cross – standing there simply looking at it with so many thoughts, so many questions, so many emotions flowing through your heart and mind?

What now? What comes next? Surely that can’t be it? Surely it doesn’t end here? Surely something else has to come? Surely there must be more? Surely this newness must continue!

Step forward in time with me, if you will, to more recent years. 1985 and a young 23 year old man. A young man who had believed in God all his life and indeed who could never remember a time when he did not believe in God.

And yet somehow that wasn’t enough and he knew it. Somehow knowing there was a God but not having a relationship with God left a void in his heart, an emptiness, a sense of “there must be more to life.”

Then an evangelical mission came to town one preaching on Christ Jesus.

It would spend two weeks in local school and village halls and then 4 weeks in a 4000 seated Circus tent.

Every night there would be a service with praise and worship, a guest artist, a sermon/bible teaching delivered by the evangelist Eric Delve and then an invitation to respond and invite Christ into your life and to have a living relationship with God through Christ and the indwelling of the Holy Spirit.

I had a lot of time on my hands in those days and so for the first two weeks I was heavily involved as a steward, traveling to all the venues and helping out. Then when it moved into the Circus tent I took on the role of security coordinator.

For four weeks I, along with other volunteers in my team slept, ate, worked and served in that tent and every night we would be part of the ministry and service.

It became my life. The more I heard about this Christ, the more I wanted, needed to know Him and to serve Him. The more involved I was the more involved I wanted and needed to be.

I was letting Him into my heart and giving my life to Him and I knew it, felt it, needed it, lived it.

Finally on the last night of the mission I too responded to the alter call and went forward. I wanted to make that public confession and witness that I too had given my life to the Lord.

And then the mission ended!

The evangelical team, counseling team, worship team, stewarding team, security team – everyone left and returned to their normal lives and to their home churches.

The circus tent came down was packed up and taken away and I returned to my one-roomed apartment and to, well to, to what exactly? What was next?

My life, my heart, my faith had been so full of Christ for those previous six weeks but then the focus of that fullness, the

I remember so clearly going back, a few days later, to the site where the circus tent had been and standing, staring at the huge empty circus of different colored foot-trodden grass where the tent had been.

Just as the disciples could have stood before the site of that empty cross all those years before, there stood I before the empty site of that mission – asking similar questions – searching for similar answers…

“What now? What comes next? Surely that can’t be it? Surely it doesn’t end here? Surely something else has to come? Surely there must be more? Surely this newness must continue!”

In truth I a have spoken about two very real and very specific episodes of doubt and of questioning. Understandable doubt and understandable questioning – one in the life of the disciples and one in my own personal life.

But of course many of us face times of doubt don’t we? Times of question? Times when perhaps the faith that we once had does not seem so real so vital as once it did?

And my personal experience is that for many of us who face challenges and difficulties with our mental health, times of doubt and questions and indeed times when the troubles of life seem to become overwhelming and get in the way of our faith are quiet frequent and normal. But doe that make us weak? Does that mean we are not Holy?

Indeed is there, can there, be such a thing as the Holy Weak?

Well I for one am convinced that there can and are those who are both Holy and who experience times of spiritual weakness.

Mark 9:24 – ²⁴Immediately the boy’s father exclaimed, “I do believe; help me overcome my unbelief!” (NIV)

Romans 8:26 – ²⁶In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us through wordless groans. (NIV)

Matthew 5:3 – “Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven. (NIV)

Yes I am convinced that there are those who do experience times of spiritual weakness for whom Holiness is still a part of their lives or can still be part of their lives. And what is more I am convinced that that Holiness is not taken from up when we face times of weakness but instead is afforded to us in greater measure when we face those times of weakness by calling on the name of the Lord and giving it to God in prayer.

Earlier, in what I now freely admit has become a fairly lengthy post, I shared about the first time when that spiritual weakness was faced by me. Shortly after I came to know Christ in fact. But there have been many other time when I have faced such weaknesses, such times of trouble and trial – such times of doubting and questioning.

And I am sure that there are others for whom that is also true – especially within the mental health community – and sadly often as a result of the way others within the body of Christ have treated us.

But I want to encourage you – you who, like me consider yourself at times to be part of the Holy weak and especially at this time – this Holy week.

“I will not leave you as orphans…” (John 14:18 NIV). These are the words Christ Himself spoke to the disciples when He was telling them of His having to leave and when He was (unbeknown to them) talking about that arrest, torture, trial, crucifixion, burial, resurrection and ascension that we spoke of earlier and which is so prominent in our hearts and minds at this time of year.

No matter how weak we may feel, no matter how un-holy our lives may have become, no matter how hurt or down-trodden we believe ourselves to be, I am convinced that God does not want us to either feel as orphans, live as orphans or be orphans.

Christ promised – in that same conversation with His disciples – the indwelling of the Holy Spirit for His disciples – for the believers. That same promise is, I am convinced and have personally experienced, available to each and every one of us who have made that commitment to Christ.

So the question I ask you is – do you feel orphaned? Are you living as an orphan? Have you let the hurts and troubles of life and any personal spiritual weakness that you have felt rob you of knowing the fullness of God’s love through that relationship with Christ by the power of the Holy Spirit?

Because if you have, I am convinced and certain that this is not what God – our heavenly Father desires for you.

When You Are One of The Toys Thrown Out of The Pram!

25 Monday Mar 2013

Posted by boldkevin in Aspergers, Bipolar Disorder, Christianity, Feelings, Journal Entry, Mental Health, Mental Illness, Relationships, schizo-affective disorder

≈ 8 Comments

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Bipolar Disorder, Christianity, Christianity and Depression, Christianity and Mental Health, Distorted Perceptions, Mental Health, Mental Illness, Personal Journal, Rejection, Relationships

Sometimes in life we come across folk who seem to react instantly and badly to things that happen or that they think have happened. Don’t we?

You know, those who seem to throw their toys out of the pram the minute something goes – or seems to go – wrong.

And the fact is that we have probably all, or at least most of us, done this at some time or other in life.

And in truth it is a behavior which we see in most toddlers.

Won’t they (and we when we were younger), at one point or another have done this – thrown their toys out of the pram?

When it first happens most parents will; bend down pick up the toy, brush it off/clean it, and give it back to the toddler concerned.

Sometimes, of course, the toddler sees this as a being fun. So naturally they throw it out again, and often the parent will repeat the whole returning process.

But of course with human nature being what it is, the more this happens the more rewarding it becomes for the child and equally the more frustrating it becomes for the parent.

So the process reaches a point where the parent cottons on to the fact that it has become a game and so – not wishing to reward the child or encourage it and allow it to become a learned behavior – they simply warn the child (if the child is old enough to understand) or simply refrains from returning the toy to the child.

It is, I think we would all agree, a perfectly natural and common place event in childhood and parenting is it not?

But what happens when it isn’t a child involved? What happens when it is an adult and not toys out of a pram but people out of a relationship? And what happens when the learned behavior is already their and that person – being discarded – is YOU?

I am, I think, many things to many people. Different people see me in different ways and that again is, I think very natural. To some I come across as very approachable and very caring. To others – or so it seems – I come across as detached and uncaring. To some the practical joker and yet others a very serious, deep thinker.

Actually, I can even remember one time when I was standing next to a lady in church – whom I had known casually for some months but never ever really had a cross word with or any long or noteworthy conversation with – when she turned to me and said, “I have to tell you Kevin, you really scare me. I just find you so intimidating.”

I have to admit that I was both stunned and somewhat surprised by the revelation and how it seemed to come out of absolutely nowhere.

I also have to admit that I was very saddened by that revelation. After all, it isn’t as if I am some sort of Ogre

Now don’t get me wrong, I understand that I am a big guy. Actually a very big guy and I accept that my size can make me a little intimidating.

I also understand that the way my mind works I am often deep in thought and do on occasion – either as a result of my schizo-affective disorder or my Aspergers – sometimes respond more deeply (or conversely say simply things) which others would perhaps hold back on.

But none of these are intended to push people away or intimidate. And neither of them demonstrate how deeply I do care about people.

Actually, I personally think that it is something that people often get very wrong about folk who experience mental health struggles and especially those of us who have Aspergers. They somehow think that we just don’t care or do not have emotions on the same level that they do.

The truth is of course, – or at least in my experience the truth is – that they are very wrong and we do care – sometimes more deeply than others may – we just demonstrate it and process it in different ways.

So when something happens and someone gets upset and throw’s YOU out of their pram, closing the door to you and ceasing all communication it can be very hurtful.

Not least of all because it means that you can no longer show them the love that you have to offer and which in a lot of cases they actually need.

It is of course quite natural to say, “Well good luck to you then. If you don’t need me or my love then who cares?” But the fact is that deep down inside, perhaps under the initial hurt, we do still care don’t we?

And to accept anything else, to stop loving that person, to allow our focus to be on any hurt, to allow those hurt to become bitterness and to fester is unhealthy for them, for us and as Christians to our faith.

No, I am convinced that the truth is that when this happens our loving them doesn’t have to stop. The only thing that stops is their ability to see and fully know how much we love them perhaps.

So instead this is when our love, which by now admittedly probably has a greater cost to us as we need to surrender those hurts, needs to take a different form and to be offered solely in prayer.

And whilst it is true that prayer should have formed part of our love for them all along, it is in the surrendering of those hurts – in the heartfelt love and caring for the person who has caused us that hurt by rejecting us – which will also guard our heart against bitterness.

And that in turn allows our doors to remain open for when they have calmed down or seen things differently – perhaps more clearly. And in so doing – to allow for the healing that needs to take place.

Why am I blogging about this now? Well because a couple of days ago this happened to me. A misunderstanding caused someone, someone I have known but a few days and yet already care so very deeply for, to throw me out of their life and to close the door on my love.

Did it hurt? Yes very much so. But as I have said, it is at times like this when our love must take a different form. Why? Because that is what love is and that is what I know God would want for and from us.

Stand By Me – Wherever You Are.

20 Wednesday Mar 2013

Posted by boldkevin in Mental Health, Mental Health Stigma, Mental Illness Stigma

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Mental Health, mental health stigma, Mental Illness, Mental Illness Stigma

I am not sure what it is lately but I have been giving a lot of thought to the stigma that we face as mental health sufferers and indeed that a lot of folk face as a result of many different issues circumstances and situations.

Stigma does so much damage doesn’t it? It hurts and cripples and it closes doors to so many people. Doors that should be open to them more, in many cases than to most other folk because the need is so often greater.

Doorways to belonging, to tolerance, to understanding, to kindness – dare I say it – to acceptance?

I have written many times – either specifically in a dedicated post or incidentally within other posts, about isolation and what it can do to a person. UI have also mentioned the isolation which I face for most of my week and how I seem, on the face of things to be able to cope – almost to prefer this.

And yet the more I reflect on stigma and what it does to us the more I question whether or not I have simply – as a result of circumstance – taken an easier option or become accustomed to what it basically a wrong situation.

This afternoon something appeared on my Facebook page which made me once again sit up and think. It is a song performed by artists – street artists effectively – from across the world and it starts with the statement …

This song says, “No matter who you are, no matter where you go in life, at some point you’re gonna need somebody to stand by you.”

I really hope you enjoyed this video clip as much as I did. But even more so I hope that…

If you, like me, have been a victim of stigma inflicted on you by others YOU truly know that YOU are not alone. or

If you are usually the one inflicting that stigma or treating others badly as a result of it, YOU are better than that and YOU can make a difference by not being that way.

So I leave you with this thought…

No matter who WE are, no matter where WE go in life, at some point WE‘re gonna need somebody to stand by US.

Who’s Failing Who?

18 Monday Mar 2013

Posted by boldkevin in Bipolar Disorder, Mental Health, Mental Health Stigma, Mental Illness, Mental Illness Stigma, Poor Physical Health

≈ 11 Comments

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& M.E., Bipolar Disorder, CFIDS, CFS, Christianity and Depression, Chronic Fatigue, Depression, Mental Health, Mental Illness, Stigma

I wonder how many times you fail to do something simply because to try is just too much effort?

Or because you are in “that place” again where doing anything, thinking anything, attempting anything is just too big a stretch for you?

But even more than that I wonder how many times you have felt forced to make excuses, to lie, or create some falsehood or some diversion away from the real reason why you didn’t do it, go there, participate?

Where other people’s expectations, or their inability or seemingly dogged unwillingness to understand creates for you either a silence where your voice simply isn’t worth using as it won’t be heard or a world of conflict where telling the truth simply doesn’t seem an option?

In my own situation, having hidden my physical and mental health issues for most of my life I suddenly had a full mental and physical breakdown back in 1999 and as a result of that the “cat was very much out of the bag” as they say.

Since then I have pretty much refused to hide my mental health issues and I have tried, where possible to be fairly open about them with most people that I meet on a regular basis and with whom I am likely to have any noteworthy relationship.

But here’s the deal. I am now 51 years old and I live alone and have very few people to whom I have to answer, or indeed care for on a one to one daily basis. And with that comes tremendous freedom.

But I recognize that not everyone has that same freedom and that my circumstances are quite unusual. I don’t face the same social pressures that many of us face.

But what about those who do? What about those for whom those things that I spoke about above – the hiding, the shame, the ridicule – the stigma is still so very real?

I cam across this video and it really spoke to me. I hope and pray it speaks to you also.

Very Inspiring Blogger Award

17 Sunday Mar 2013

Posted by boldkevin in Awards

≈ 4 Comments

Tags

Awards

I know that I have received this award before but for me I never tire of receiving awards and they never lose their value as I always try to remember that they are given out of respect and/or affection.

And that is so very appreciated by me.

This time the award was given to me by dear Ellen over at Moonside and the respect that I have for her and for her writing simply adds to the value of the award for me.

Accordingly the rules are as follows:-

1. Display the Award Certificate on your website (okay I done didded that)
2. Announce your win with a post and link to whoever presented your award (okay done didded that also)
3. Present 15 awards to deserving bloggers ( hm see note below*.)
4. Drop them a comment to tip them off after you’ve linked them in the post (done didded that [subject to the note below])
5. Post 7 interesting things about yourself. (okay I can cope with that)

*So having complied with rules 1 and 2 I need to explain why I am not technically complying with rule 3. I have received this award before and on those occasions I have awarded the award to folk so to re-award them – or to award to yet another 15 bloggers would detract from the award in my opinion. So below (having already awarded folk with this award you will find the few blogs that I have recently become aware of and that I do sincerely want to award this award to.

Dissociative Monologues

My Dualities’ Blog

Redheadcase’s Blog

SentiMENTAL paRANTing

And now for 7 (probably not so) interesting things about me…

1. Generally speaking, my manic episodes do not present themselves in physical ways (excess cleaning, reckless shopping, hyperactivity etc) but more in mental ways. Racing thoughts, weird and wonderful journeys of complex thought patterns and processes going off on the most amazing tangents. The only physical signs of this (apart from an inability to focus on one conversation and the tendency to zone out into my own thoughts) would be countless notes and writings and the fact that very often (when in this state) I will write the end of a paragraph or the beginning of the next paragraph in the middle of the paragraph that I am trying to write. (If that makes any sense)

2. When I am alone I have a tendency to watch three or four television programs at once by flicking through them. I find that I can keep up with the story lines of each of them and often get bored just watching one at a time. Although I must admit that my ability to do so seems to have lessened as I have gotten older.

Thankfully I am not so bad as to have numerous Tv’s in one room.

3. Conspiracy theories – bore me to tears. They are nearly always based on the merest and thinnest strands of evidence and false and often badly manipulated premises.

4. Whilst I am not anti competition I find competitive activities within small groups and especially families are off putting to me as my experience of them is that they nearly always end up in upset and disappointment for folk.

5. I can read books and writing that is upside down just as easily as I can read them when they are right way up. Unfortunately I can’t do so when I am upside down as I get too preoccupied thinking, “this much weight should never be balanced on such a small head”

6. I am left-handed. When at school they tried to get me to change to being right-handed but I refused and continued writing left-handed.

See how much of an awkward beggar I am and how stubborn I can be when I set my mind to it?

Hey they are my hands, surely I get to choose which one I want to use!

7. One of the saddest statements that I ever hear is when someone doesn’t have a relationship with God or Christ because they have been hurt by relationships with other believers.

So there you have it, my not so interesting interesting facts.

Again I am so very grateful to Ellen for her having awarded this award to me and I hope that those few I have nominated will understand that this is awarded to them out of respect for what they do.

Kind Regards and God bless you.

Kevin

Perfect Love….

16 Saturday Mar 2013

Posted by boldkevin in Bipolar Disorder, Christianity, Chronic Fatigue, CFS, CFIDS, & M.E., Depression, Functionality, Healing, Heart Problems, Mental Health, Mental Illness, Obesity, Paranoid Schizophrenia, Physical Health, Poor Physical Health, Schizophrenia, Thanks

≈ 20 Comments

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& M.E., Bipolar Disorder, CFIDS, CFS, Christianity, Christianity and Depression, Christianity and Mental Health, Chronic Fatigue, Depression, Mental Health, Mental Illness, Obesity, Paranoid Schizophrenia

…casteth out fear.

There are a number of passages in the Bible which make me sit up and question, sit up an reflect on, their true meaning.

Indeed there are a number of passages that lead me off on wonderful journeys of discovery.

Likewise some passages which I thought I had understood will often leap out at me with new meaning, new significance, new revelation.

But then, more than any other writing, the Bible for me stands unique as a constant living and fluid unfurling of narration, a living explanation of the relationship that I have with God through Christ.

One such passage that has often caused me to sit and reflect is that of 1 John 4:18…

¹⁸There is no fear in love; but perfect love casteth out fear: because fear hath torment. He that feareth is not made perfect in love. (KJV)

“But perfect love casteth out fear.” Its an interesting one isn’t it? Especially if, like me paranoia, or anxiety, forms part of your mental health. And especially if thqt paranoia forms part of your schizophrenia or your schizo-affective disorder and those ‘voices’ or that inner dialogue asks such things as “see you have fear, so you are not made perfect in love – what does that tell you then?”

The key words for me here however, is that of “casteth out” or in the NIV ” drives out”. In the Greek the word is βάλλω (ballō) and means to throw out or get rid of. So in answer to those voices and that inner dialogue I have to say, “how can you cast out, drive out, throw out, or get rid of something that you don’t have?”

It is a valid point isn’t it? You have to have something in the first place in order to be able to cast it out or get rid of it? So having a faith in God through Christ doesn’t mean that I will never fear or have reason to fear, it instead challenges what I do with fear when it comes my way.

So let’s look at that for a moment…

I wonder how many of us as parents have had our child or children wake up from a bad dream or nightmare and in their fear automatically call out to us of come to our bedroom door in search of us?

Or if you have no children how many of us can remember doing that ourselves when we were children and had a bad dream or nightmare?

Just going to Mum or Dad and getting their reassurance and the security that that offered dealt with that fear didn’t it? The faith and trust that perfect love that a child has for and in and from his or her parents casts out that fear.

Isn’t (and shouldn’t) the same be true in respect of the fear that we face in life as children of God?

Can’t we go to Him in faith through Christ knowing that as our perfect heavenly Father we have that perfect blessed assurance?

God is our heavenly Father and His love is perfect. In Him we have comfort and joy, as the old song goes, and yet there is no where in the Bible – as far as I can see – that says that through a relationship with God through Christ all threats, all trials, all troubles will be removed from us. In fact there are several places that indicate that they may well increase.

I have long since said, that one of the fundamental roles of a parent for a child is in many ways to be representatives and representations of God until the child is able to understand and develop his or her own relationship with God through Christ Jesus.

That source or comfort, of reassurance, of guidance and protection that we should get from our parents – especially in our younger years – is an excellent example of this and I fully believe that as Christians it is the perfect love of our heavenly Father that enables us to cast out all fear.

Some students of the bible will no doubt suggest that since this verse being preceded by the words of verse 17…

¹⁷This is how love is made complete among us so that we will have confidence on the day of judgment: In this world we are like Jesus.

it would indicate that this passage is speaking of the day of judgement, but I would point out that actually it is also about how we live our lives up to that day. Consider the words of verse 19 I would add…

¹⁹We love because he first loved us.

We love because He first loved us and it is that perfect love that provides is with the courage that we need to run the race for which we are called.

Yes things have and in many ways are still tough and I know that I am not alone in that and that many others are going through equally if not tougher times. But as a child of my heavenly Father, His perfect love gives me the strength to go on

Climbing Out of The Hole.

13 Wednesday Mar 2013

Posted by boldkevin in Bipolar Disorder, Christianity, Chronic Fatigue, CFS, CFIDS, & M.E., Depression, Functionality, Healing, Journal Entry, Mental Health, Mental Illness, Poor Physical Health

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Well it has been a long time since I have done a serious post. Certainly much longer than I had anticipated or would have wanted.

In my post “A. W. O. L.” (posted March 4th) I briefly explained how I had not been well for some time and how due to this (and the cold weather) I had not felt able to post anything coherent or noteworthy.

I also thanked everyone for their very kind concern and messages of encouragement and “well-wishes” and would very much to thank everyone again now.

The good news is that I am very much on the mend now and have been busy working away on a couple of projects that I have been wanting to do for a while now.

The truth is that I had found myself in a bit of a hole, quite a deep hole really – and I would wager I am not alone in experiencing these.

I knew that I was in one and indeed could see the light at the end of the tunnel and hope that I would soon reach the end of it, but actually reaching it was something entirely different!

Mentally I have been struggling also. Thankfully not so much that I couldn’t see the light at the end of the tunnel. Isn’t that often what depression can be like? That no matter whether the light is there sometimes we just can’t see it?

Physically I have also been struggling and sometimes, no matter how bright the light or how desperately I may have wanted to get to it, I just haven’t had the strength of means to reach it. So it was as if the light at the end of the tunnel seemed unreachable for that time.

Thankfully I was not alone in all of this. I had the kindness of many of you and the support and care and encouragement of my family and friends and my church family and even more I had (and have) my faith to help me get through it all.

So I am very encouraged!

Not only do I feel much stronger but now I even feel as if I am climbing out of that hole that I was in and I am looking forward to getting back into the swing of things! (Of course I have to exercise wisdom and caution and ease back into things)

As I said before, I am so thankful for all the care and support that I have had and for all your kindness. I am also extremely thankful for my faith which has without doubt helped me through this last episode

A. W. O. L.

04 Monday Mar 2013

Posted by boldkevin in Announcement

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Announcement

I am getting comments, messages and emails from folk who are concerned about my not having posted lately and I want to that you all for each and every one of these.

I promise you that there is no need for concern. I am fine but just not well enough to be able to post anything coherent or note worthy enough for posting and additionally it has been so very cold over here and far too cold for me to be able to spend much time in my study which is another reason for my not having posted of late.

I will be back to posting when my health (and the weather) improves. But thank you once again for all your kind comments and notes and messages of concern.

Acceptance

20 Wednesday Feb 2013

Posted by boldkevin in Bipolar Disorder, Childhood Memories, Christianity, Depression, Faith, Feelings, Healing, Mental Health, Mental Illness, Paranoid Schizophrenia, Schizophrenia, Self-Doubt, Self-Image, Self-Loathing

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Bipolar Disorder, Christianity, Christianity and Depression, Christianity and Mental Health, Depression, Distorted Perceptions, Mental Health, Mental Illness, Paranoid Schizophrenia, Self-Doubt, Self-Hatred, Self-Image, Self-Loathing

It’s a strange thing isn’t it? Acceptance I mean.

I mean it is something that the majority of us actually want, if we are truly honest with ourselves and something that we seek in life. To be accepted by our family, our work colleagues, our neighbors and friends.

It is also something which a lot of us, including those of us with mental health challenges, truly struggle with isn’t it? To be accepted for who we are – even with our illnesses.

It hurts and unnerves us or unsettles us, even angers us when we are not accepted. It seems harsh and uncaring, unjust and unfair when we are not accepted and can lead to a whole plethora of questions and soul-searching. And let’s be honest here, it can be emotionally crippling when it happens can’t it.

“I mean after all, what is so wrong with me, what is so bad about me, what is it that I have done, that they don’t like me, won’t accept me?“

Do they sound like familiar questions, a familiar thought process to you?

Or perhaps you have reached a stage or place in life where you have asked these questions so often now, where those thought processes have been so present in your life that you have simply stopped asking them, simply stopped questioning?

Or perhaps your past experiences – your childhood or past relationships – were such where any self-worth that you may have had was crushed or taken from you? Or perhaps worse still where you were never given any self-worth in the first place?

And where this happens what does it do to us and how we view ourselves? And as a result of that what does it do to what we are willing to accept in life?

This question has been on my heart of late and I can’t help wondering how many of us are accepting what we think we deserve (as a result of the poor self-worth or self-image that we have formulated as a result of those bad relationship or lack of positive affirmation in the past) instead of fighting for what we need?

If our child was ill and needed medical treatment we would do all we could to get them the best treatment possible wouldn’t we? Likewise for a parent were they to need medical treatment or for a loved one. So why are we not applying the same standards of expectations when it comes to ourselves?

Destroying the internal dialogues of the past and changing the way that they affect us is not easy is it?

As someone who experiences poor mental health I think this is one of my biggest battles. Add as a mental health advocate it is also a battle all too often present when folk share with me the things that are affecting them.

As a Christian – even one with poor mental health – I am convinced this is not how it is meant to be. Not what God desires for us. I am convinced that I, that we, need to combat these internal dialogues and thoughts, and I am reminded of some of the words Paul writes in his admonishment to the church at Corinth (2 Corinthians 10:3-5 NIV)…

³For though we live in the world, we do not wage war as the world does. ⁴The weapons we fight with are not the weapons of the world. On the contrary, they have divine power to demolish strongholds. ⁵We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ.

I am convinced that God loves us and wants the best for us just as any good parent would want for his or her child.

So that is my new challenge to myself and one I invite you to consider. “to take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ.”

Mental Health and the Church

14 Thursday Feb 2013

Posted by boldkevin in Christianity, Faith, Mental Health, Mental Health Awareness, Mental Illness

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Christianity, Christianity and Depression, Christianity and Mental Health, Faith, Mental Health, Mental Illness

My good blogging buddy Cate from over at Infinite Sadness or… hope? very kindly gave me the heads up on an article that someone had shared with her.

The article, entitled – “Jesus Christ ‘may have suffered from mental health problems’ claims Church of England” appears in the Express Newspaper’s online site.

It opens with the statement “Written by the Rev Eva McIntyre on behalf of the Church’s Archbishops’ Council and the Time to Change mental health campaign, it suggests John the Baptist, St Paul, St Francis and other figures from the Bible may all have been mentally ill.” which is then followed by a paragraph reading… “It even asks followers to consider accusations made in the New Testament that Jesus “had lost his mind”.“

Putting aside the whole issue of churches assigning “sainthood” on certain people – which I find erroneous and misleading – and the fact that, from what research I have been able to do, the Express appears to have completely misshaped and misrepresented the original piece written by the Rev McIntyre – gee now there’s a shock!

But even so there are some interesting points to be raised as a result of this article and I can understand the problems folk are having as a result of this piece.

As a Christian I have for some time now been very much aware of the difficulty that can be had reconciling the understanding that Jesus Christ was fully man and yet fully God. Likewise I can certainly understand how the mere suggestion that Jesus may have had mental health problems could seem offensive to some and difficult to comprehend for others.

As a Christian who suffers with mental health problems myself, I find that my mind is drawn to the question – “So what if He did, does that make Him any less the Messiah or any less Holy or indeed any the less worthy to be used by God?”

And there within lies one of the difficulties with this whole issue does it not? The extremely fragile counterbalance between Christ’s deity and his humanness appears extremely impacted by anything which appears to emphasize or increase his humanness.

And yet there is another consideration that arises from this article, one which speaks directly into and challenges not Christ and His human qualities verses His Godly qualities in respect of any mental health, but with we believers and our human qualities versus our Christlike qualities in respect of mental health.

It calls into question our own individual and Church attitudes as believers, to the whole issue of mental illness, poor mental health and those who suffer from them. But then is that not the whole point?

The Revd Eva McIntyre makes the statement that “Many of the people we read about in Bible stories might today be considered as having mental health issues.” and asks “Would Jesus’ family maybe on occasion have said, “Cousin John is a bit odd, bless him!” when John the Baptist took to his eccentric style of life?”

And I for one can see some validity in this point, but would have to make the observation that just because someone’s actions do not fit within the ‘norm’ it doesn’t mean that they are suffering from mental health issues. And I would make the point that the very fact that these biblical characters were being used by God for supernatural purposes indeed places them outside of the ‘norm’.

But it is an interesting point isn’t it?

If indeed “many of the people we read about in the bible” did have what we today would consider to be mental health problems and God still used them, what does that say for the way we believers and especially the church currently responds to folk who do have mental health problems today?

See here’s the deal as far as I see it. We simply don’t know if those biblical characters of old did have mental health problems or not. And the truth is that, as far as I can see, there is not enough real evidence to support any suggestion of such beyond the realms of it being pure conjecture.

So the question then becomes an “IF” based question. “IF” they did have mental health problems and yet were still, as we know from the bible, used by God, then why are so many folk who do experience poor mental health today seemingly either too frightened to admit it within a church setting or, as seems all too often to be the case, being hurt and driven away from our churches when they do admit it?

And having asked that question I do feel the need, in the interest of openness and fairness to make a personal statement here.

I personally am very open about my mental health and have not to my knowledge at any time experienced anything other then love, understanding and acceptance from the leadership of the church that I currently attend. Likewise in terms of it’s members I have received similar love, understanding and acceptance apart from in one or two instances where opinions where questions about my mental health were asked in clumsy ways. But I would expect that from any group and after all we are all human and do all make mistakes.

Similarly in my previous fellowship where I was far more involved and was also involved in leadership, my mental health was not seen as any great obstacle and I was again met with love and understanding and acceptance in most things.

That having been said, sadly the same isn’t always true for everyone and there is without doubt a very real need for the kind of questions raised by this article as a result of Revd Eva McIntyre’s piece to be asked by each and everyone of and by our churches and fellowships.

I have to be honest here, whilst the headline of the article and indeed some of it’s content appears, to this writer, to have been manipulated for dramatic effect, there are some interesting points made in it and some interesting questions asked.

And let’s face it, it is high time that all churches prayerfully considered they way they respond to the whole question of mental health.

Does my mental health challenge my faith? Yes absolutely, and yes absolutely it challenges it in ways that lots of folk simply can’t understand. BUT the truth is that all of our walks are to some degree or another unique and we all face individual challenges and more than that, so much more than that, my faith also challenges my mental health and provides me with such a richness of security and strength in the face of that mental health and I for one praise God for that!

When The Tears Won’t Fall

12 Tuesday Feb 2013

Posted by boldkevin in Christianity, Depression, Journal Entry, Mental Health, Mental Illness

≈ 12 Comments

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Bipolar Disorder, Christianity and Depression, Christianity and Mental Health, Mental Health, Mental Illness, Personal Journal

There is, I think, a certain pre-conditioning that sometimes takes place when you are a male and, I have to say, a British male.

Now I have to qualify that comment by admitting that it could well be that the same pre-conditioning could happen to you if you are female and indeed if you are not a British male. But being neither female or non-British I am of course not qualified to make such a claim.

Being male and having been born and raised in England and having educated along with and growing up around lots of other English boys I can tell you that the pre-conditioning – the “keep a stiff upper lip” mentality that I speak of was very common.

And in my childhood so too were statements such as “Stop crying! Boy’s don’t cry!” and “if you don’t stop those tears I will give you something to cry about” and “Stop your sniveling, I didn’t hit you that hard!”.

It – the “boy’s don’t cry” mentality is an approach and a mentality that I have sought to combat in the raising of my own kids. And statements such as those mentioned above, that I heard from my father, I have actively avoided saying to my children. They are all so very harmful aren’t they?

Crying, whether you are a male or a female, is OK! Not only is it OK, but it can be totally understandable and acceptable and even healthy. It can offer such a heart-felt communication and release. And after all did not Christ himself cry? (John 11:35) Wasn’t he male? And a full grown man?

But what happens when you can’t cry? What happens when every fiber of your being seems so much to want to cry but you simply can’t bring yourself to do it? What happens when the tears won’t fall?

As I said, I have fought against that “stiff upper lip” and “boys don’t cry” pre-conditioning and indeed can and do cry on different occasions, but for the past few days now I have so desperately felt the need to cry and yet have been unable.

Physically my health is as it usually is. Spiritually I am, as far as I know, as I was. I even managed to get to church on Sunday and bible study last night which was a real blessing and I even managed to stay relatively focused. But emotionally and mentally something is desperately wrong and it is so unsettling.

There is of course always hope and I know and recognize that and I continue to speak that hope into my current depression. It is hard, so incredibly hard isn’t it?

But I am not alone despite the fact that it feels that no-one other than a great and merciful God could even understand, let alone penetrate, such a blanket of darkness.

And yet He does understand and He will penetrate it, my part is to be open to that and to invite that and claim that. So out of that darkness, when the tears won’t fall – yet even so my prayers will rise.

Not As ‘Potty’ As You Might Think

08 Friday Feb 2013

Posted by boldkevin in Bipolar Disorder, Christianity, Depression, Faith, Functionality, Journal Entry, Mental Health, Mental Illness

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Bipolar Disorder, Christianity and Depression, Christianity and Mental Health, Faith, Mental Health, Mental Illness, Personal Journal

2 Nuns were driving down a fairly narrow jungle track in their jeep. They were working as missionaries in a jungle childcare facility and had taken the small child, now sat in a booster seat in the back of the jeep, to the local doctor and were on their way back.

Suddenly the jeep spluttered to a stop and the nun’s suddenly realized that they were out of fuel. “I noticed a place about half a mile back where we could get some fuel.” One nun told the other.

“Yes so did I Sister,” the other nun agreed, “but this jeep is too heavy for us to push and we have nothing to put any fuel in.” she observed.

Looking around the jeep all the nuns could find by way of containers was the child’s potty laying on the back floor of the jeep.

“Well it isn’t much.” One nun observed. “But perhaps one of us could walk back and get some fuel in this and God willing, if we are very careful, that will be enough to get the jeep started and get us back to the fuel station where we could then fill up.”

So that is what they determined to do and as one of the nuns remained behind to care for the small child and pray, the other nun set off.

After what seemed quite some time the remaining nun caught site of the other nun gingerly walking back trying not to spill any of the precious fuel out of the make-shift potty container.

Once the nun had reached the jeep the other nun opened up the fuel cap and as one nun carefully tried to pour the potty’s contents into the fuel tank the other nun prayed fervently.

Just then a local villager walked past herding his flock. As he approached the two nuns he could hardly believe his eyes. After all it isn’t everyday you see a nun pouring the contents of a potty into a fuel tank as another nun stands over her praying.

“I have to tell you Sisters,” the villager told the two nuns as he stopped opposite them, “I am not a religious man myself, but I have to admire your faith!” LOL

To be honest I am not really sure what brought the humorous story to my mind this morning. I think it was something that I said in response to one of the comments made on my post from yesterday. But it is kind of humorous isn’t it?

And of course there are several points and several truths that can be drawn from the story also…

Sometimes we do run out of gas/fuel don’t we? Mentally this can happen at the worst of times. Times when we really need to keep going but just don’t seem to be able to or to have the means to.

Such times call for us to work together and to use whatever resources are available to us. Of course sometimes we don’t feel we have anyone to help us or any resources available.

It’s at times like these when we really have to improvise. To look beyond the usual and to find ways of coping. Potty into make-shift fuel can for example.

It is also at times like these when we have to review our objectives, perhaps take a step back or two. The nuns in our story had getting themselves and the child back to their childcare facility as their objective. But they had to take their eyes off of that and look back a little bit before they could go on.

Don’t we have to do that sometimes, especially when we are struggling through a bout of particularly poor mental health?

And what about the faith aspect of that story?

After all the one nun had to walk half a mile with an open top potty trying not to spill the fuel and then carefully try to pour it out of the same potty (with no lip) into a small hole in the hope she would get enough in there in order to be able to start the jeep and get back to the fuel station.

Don’t we often face situations where the odds against us seem just a poor? Situations where the only thing we have going for us is our own determination and (much like that one nun with the other prayer for and over her) the prayers of others?

I have to be honest with you and admit that I can so very much relate to that story at the moment. I am so empty when it comes to mental and physical and emotional and even spiritual gas/fuel at the moment and the only thing ‘potty’ around here seems to be what I am becoming.

And yet I do have faith and I do have prayer and thankfully prayer support, and whilst this might not be understandable to some it is so very important – absolutely essential – to me. And most importantly I know that with God’s help, through my own determination and with prayer and prayer support I will come through this.

As I said, there are several truths that we could draw out of that little story and I know I have only drawn out a couple of them. But I did want to thank those who are praying for me at this time and I did want to let you know how very important they are to me.

And more importantly, I am so very mindful that so many folk seem to be struggling at the moment. I want to share that there is still hope and that if I can help in any way, perhaps by praying for you, please do just let me know.

Standing Firm In The Struggles…

07 Thursday Feb 2013

Posted by boldkevin in Christianity, Faith, Functionality, Journal Entry, Mental Health, Mental Health Awareness, Mental Illness

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Christianity, Christianity and Depression, Christianity and Mental Health, Faith, Mental Health, Mental Illness, Personal Journal

…and Surviving The Attacks!

Well it has been days since my last post. The truth is that I have been really struggling mentally of late. I haven’t even been able to get to Church or Bible study lately and I can’t begin to tell you how much this has been affecting my mental health.

I am incredibly mindful at this time, having read some of the blogs that I usually follow, that actually this is quite a minor thing compared to what others seem to be going through at the moment, and yet, as minor as it is, it is a huge thing to me.

But then that is often how poor mental health works isn’t it? Things that others may view as being small, insignificant or unimportant are so very important to us personally and certainly I try to remember that when reading other folk’s blogs.

That it isn’t how I would or do respond to such situations as they are going through but how they respond to them and I try to love and pray through that perspective.

In fact my mental health seems to be pivoting on a knife’s edge at the moment and I am struggling to keep myself stable. That is not to say that I do not know which way to lean if I sense myself staring to fall.

It is at times like these when I like to, need to, take stock. To look at what I have still been able to achieve and to build on those things whilst cautiously, carefully addressing the things that I still need to achieve.

There is little doubt that there are things that need attending to but the question is how to attend to them…

Prayerfully building on that which I have already been able to achieve is certainly a good place to start. But at the same time being realistic about what I still have to do.

Additionally I need to be mindful of what I am “able” for in my current state of mind, whilst at the same time being mindful of anything that needs my attention now.

This is so that it does not become a major headache or issue within the next few days thus negatively effecting my current delicate mental state.

Being open and honest with others when you are in this kind of mental state can be so very difficult can’t it? But then being open and honest with yourself can be equally as difficult.

But that openness and honesty is, in my opinion, the doorway to getting the help that you need at times like this. That is providing of course that such help is available to you and you know how to access it.

I entitled this post “Standing Firm In The Struggles…”…And Surviving The Attacks!” and I did that for a reason.

I have often written of how, in my experience and opinion, our emotional, mental, physical and spiritual health all interact with each other in respect of our well-being.

As a Christian I have long-since learned that my help comes from the Lord, and He has to be the very first port of call at times such as these.

But as a Christian I am not an isolated or solitary person and nor am I meant to be. I am member of Christ’s family and that help should also come through my brothers and sisters in Christ. I have little to no doubt that my not having been able to get to church lately has affected my mental health and I have little doubt that my current mental state is – to some degree or another – part of an attack.

So I stand on the encouragements to be found in the full armor of God as described in Ephesians 6 and I remember especially the words of Ephesians 6:13

Confused!

06 Wednesday Feb 2013

Posted by boldkevin in Journal Entry

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Personal Journal

I find myself so very confused this morning.

Now I freely accept that it could be just another facet of my mental health at the moment but I really don’t think it is.

When I go to the “Manage My Blogs” feature in wordpress my Voices of Glass blog shows up as “Follow Me Films” yet to all intent and purposes everywhere else it shows up as Voices of Glass.

This is so frustrating and is playing havoc with my OCD and my voices.

Part of the illness of Paranoid Schizophrenia is that sense of failure and impending doom that accompanies it. A general mistrust and an irrational suspicion that people or things are out to get you or that you are being used.

Trust me this is playing havoc with all of these things.

Is anyone else, or has anyone else experienced a similar thing?

Let’s Talk About Talking – Breaking Down Mental Health Stigma!

27 Sunday Jan 2013

Posted by boldkevin in Mental Health, Mental Health Awareness, Mental Illness, Mental Illness Stigma, Uncategorized

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Mental Health, mental health stigma, Mental Illness

Got a little time to spare? Fancy a chat? Interested in watching a couple of funny video clips and spending a few minutes thinking about them and what they tell us?

Well today I wanted to tackle the whole subject of communication and talking. Check out these video clips with me if you will….

Here’s one from an old British sitcom – Fawlty Towers.

In this clip (actually a compilation of clips) they are dealing with an elderly lady who has hearing problems. It’s funny isn’t it? But what makes it funny is the fact that so many of us can relate to it can’t we? Haven’t we all had to try to communicate with someone who has hearing difficulties? But I wonder how funny it is to the lady with the hearing problems – and yes I know she doesn’t really help herself much – but how do you think she feels when she is constantly met with irritation and impatience?

And how about this one from “The Sketch Show”…

English can be a very hard language to understand properly can’t it? Again this clip is humorous in several different ways. A bunch of students all of whom have different problems learning English But isn’t it interesting how even though they ALL have problems with English they still demonstrate intolerance towards one of the group?

And lastly here’s a completely different take on the who communication difficulties thing. This time from a show called “Big Train” (another BBC comedy)…

It seems absurd doesn’t it? Clearly they are all speaking fluent English (until they all start speaking fluent German) and clearly they are all communicating yet they deliberately fail to recognize that.

Communication can be a strange thing can’t it? How often do we encounter problems just talking with each other?

Whilst the clips above are humorous and show the obvious and the bad side of communication difficulties they do contain a lot of truth don’t they?

I am by nature an observer. If I go out anywhere I am just as happy sat back watching others interact as I am sat interacting with others myself. (Actually many times I am happier just watching others interact – but enough about my social inadequacies lol )

I tend to notice things. The way that when we meet someone who has hearing problems we often speak very loudly and often pull towards them in order to help them understand us. I also notice how intimidating this can be sometimes, and how our frustration – even our irritation – can come across in our voices.

I also notice – and perhaps this is a British thing – how when we come across someone who is foreign and doesn’t speak our language we often do the same thing – speaking very loudly, more slowly, more deliberately. As if that would by some magic suddenly make our foreign language more understandable to them. And let’s be honest here – don’t we sometimes do this even when in their country and when we are the ones who are speaking the foreign language?

The way we communicate, the way we understand languages, is built – to some degree or another – on the way we construct, the way we formulate and organize our own language is it not? To learn a different language we have to learn the way that language is constructed. We understand and accept this do we not?

After all, don’t we, when trying to communicate with a foreigner – who hears and speaks differently to us, often try to understand things from their point of view and to look for shared commonalities and familiarities on which to build our communication?

But what if the person we are speaking to is not from a different country but instead from a different place? What if that place is not geographically different but socially different or psychologically different?

What if the words that we are saying are not foreign to that person because they are from a different country, but instead are so very foreign to them because they simply come from a different and often so very strange a place to what that person is used to or can comprehend?

Let me repeat something I said a few paragraphs back…

“After all, don’t we, when trying to communicate with a foreigner – who hears and speaks differently to us, often try to understand things from their point of view and to look for shared commonalities and familiarities on which to build our communication?”

Do you agree with this statement? Now let me change one key part of it and ask you to consider whether or not the statement still rings true.

After all, don’t we, when trying to communicate with someone who has mental illness or poor mental health – who hears and speaks differently to us, often try to understand things from their point of view and to look for shared commonalities and familiarities on which to build our communication?

Somehow it doesn’t feel as true does it? Or at least I can tell you it certainly doesn’t ring so true for me – someone who does suffer from mental illness and poor mental health.

And what is more I can tell you that generally speaking the place you are coming from, the place from which you have formulated your words, your way of speaking, constructed and organized and accepted your way of communicating is so very different in part or in full to the place I came from. My world, how I experienced it and see it is, at least in part, so very different from yours.

Much is said, and rightly so, about mental health and mental illness and the stigma that is often attached to it. But I have to tell you that until we are all willing to understand where we are each coming from, until we are all willing to look for commonalities and familiarities – both the person who experiences good mental health and the person who does not – that stigma is going to continue. And that stigma will rob each of us of so much communication and so much worth.

My world – my personal private mental, emotional, and spiritual world is not your world and your world is not my world. But this world, this physical world we inhabit, this physical world we share together, that we physically live in together is our world.

But before it can ever be a better place we must be willing and able to share our private worlds without fear of reproach or ridicule or rejection. To try to understand each others’ personal worlds and to do so in the hope of sharing and communicating and connecting.

And with this in mind I want to share one last video clip with you. This one is not humorous and instead carries a clear and serious message for us all. It is by someone called Scott James and is called “Through My Eyes”. It is recorded in order to raise Autism Awareness but the message can, in my opinion, apply to all mental health.

All I ask is that you listen to it, let the words impact your heart, and respond accordingly.

Blog For Mental Health 2013

27 Sunday Jan 2013

Posted by boldkevin in Mental Health, Mental Health Awareness, Mental Illness, Mental Illness Stigma

≈ 10 Comments

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Mental Health, Mental Illness

Today I received a comment from Ruby over at I Was Just Thinking… in which she told me that she had pledged me for the “Blog For Mental Health 2013 Project“, something that I am very honored and more than happy to be a part of.

Here is how this thing works:

1.) Take the pledge by copying and pasting the following into a post featuring “Blog for Mental Health 2013″.

I pledge my commitment to the Blog For Mental Health 2013 Project. I will blog about mental health topics not only for myself, but for others. By displaying this badge, I show my pride, dedication, and acceptance for mental health. I use this to promote mental health education in the struggle to erase stigma.

OK well that is that part done also.

2.) Link back to the person who pledged you.

Ok that one is fairly easy, it is Ruby over at I Was Just Thinking

3.) Write a short biography of your mental health, and what this means to you.

In truth it is hard to know where to begin when you just don’t know where the beginning is or indeed what caused that beginning. What I can tell you is that I have little to no memory of my early childhood and absolutely no memory of a childhood where poor mental health – or at least seeing and perceiving things differently to others – was not a part of that childhood.

I do know that I learned very early on, in whatever childhood I may have had, to hide or mask my mental health issues and at the same time developed numerous coping skills in order to cope with both the hiding and the occasional questioning concerning the possibility of said mental health issues.

Hiding, masking and coping skills which I continued to develop and use throughout my teen and adult life way up to the age of 37 when a full mental and physical breakdown prevented me from hiding or masking them (and indeed coping with them) any longer.

And so the “cat” was well and truly out of the bag, the “beans” (or rather all the psychotic thoughts, voices in my head and irrational thought patterns) were well and truly spilled and I became a mental, emotional, physical and spiritual wreck.

I am now in my very early 50′s and the road to recovery has been a rocky one and one marked with ever changing signposts and road markings or so it seems. Those road markings – the diagnoses that I have had over the years have, as I said, been numerous and have included; manic depression aka bipolar disorder, clinical depression, PTSD, DID/MPD, paranoid schizophrenia, schizoaffective disorder, and psychotic depression with suicidal ideation to name but a few.

What does my mental health mean to me? Well I am not sure I could even attempt to write a short answer to that and in all truth it changes and develops as I get older and seek to understand it more and more. It is simply part of who I am right now but possibly not who I will be in the future. And yet no matter who I am in the future will in some way, to some degree be shaped by who I am now and what experiences I encounter now. And for that I am very grateful.

4.) Pledge five others, and be sure to let them know!

OK here I need to respond very differently to how others have responded to this section. I am going to pledge 5 other blogs or bloggers but I am not going to list those blogs here, other than the ones that I have a say in how they respond.

Please understand this is not a criticism and is a personal choice made by me, but for me to publicly pledge other bloggers and to detail those blogs here does, in my opinion, place a burden of expectation on them which it is not my place so to do.

I will however pledge Christian Concern For Mental Health, Resonate Freedom, and The Mental Health Writers Guild, all of which I have a say in the writing of, so that they can each join in, support and publicize this initiative, but as for other blogs I can only commit to contacting them privately in order to ask them to join this excellent initiative. That way the choice can be totally theirs to make freely without anyone knowing that they were even asked.

5.) And, as something novel for 2013, Lulu and I ask one more thing of you.

As you may have noticed, Canvas does not keep an official blogroll, outside of links to our authors’ personal blogs. For something new and special to introduce Blog For Mental Health 2013, and really build a sense of community — and show everyone how many of us there are, and how strong we are, coming together — we are launching a Blog For Mental Health 2013 Official Blogroll! So, in addition to linking back to the person who pledged you, please include the link to the original post in your piece. As this gets passed along, link back or click here and leave a comment containing the link to your pledge, and we will put you on our Blog For Mental Health 2013 Official Blogroll page! Show the world our strength, show them our solidarity, show them what we are made of. Take the Blog for Mental Health pledge and proudly display the badge on your blog!

Ok this is already done also. Blog For Mental Health 2013 Project.

Closing remarks…

I am extremely aware that my response to this initiative may have differed (especially in item 4) to other bloggers’ responses and I sincerely apologize if this has caused any offense and would hate for anyone to think that I in any way do not support this initiative.

I absolutely support this initiative but must stay true to my own conscience and must approach it in the best way that I can whilst not wishing to inadvertently apply any pressure on other bloggers in the process.

I think it is an excellent initiative and I hope that many others will get involved, and again I apologize for any offense that I may have caused by responding the way I have in item 4 above.

And Carrying On From Yesterday.

23 Wednesday Jan 2013

Posted by boldkevin in Depression, Functionality, Journal Entry, Mental Health, Mental Illness, Physical Health

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Christianity, Christianity and Depression, Mental Health, Mental Illness, Personal Journal

Well yesterday I determined to combat the scattiness of my brain at the moment and get some things achieved regardless.

I prayed, chilled and wrote a to do list and then got on with it.

To be honest I had hoped, well a small part of me had hoped, that by doing so my brain would support me in this effort and kick start into gear.

Well that isn’t quite what happened although I still managed to complete some of the things that were on my to do list.

On writing my list I knew that I would not get it all completed in one day and had provided for the possibility that some of the things that I wanted to achieve I would have to do today and even tomorrow if needs be.

What was one of the attitudes I determined to have when writing my to do list? Oh yes, “Be kind to yourself – Don’t create too many expectations and allow for and tolerate any mistakes.“

I am so glad that I decided to do that as I really didn’t get as much completed as I had hoped. But then life, as I mentioned yesterday, does sometimes throw a curve ball our way and a couple of people needed my help and that reduced the time I had to do the things I had planned to do. And additionally I had not considered or remembered the fact that I am only just getting over my latest bout of illness and so am still not totally fit.

The good news is not only have I been able to achieve some of the things I wanted to do but I also have a good idea of what I want to achieve today also.

So my to do list is now revised and updated and I am all set to carry on from yesterday

To Do Lists

22 Tuesday Jan 2013

Posted by boldkevin in Christianity, Depression, Functionality, Journal Entry, Mental Health, Mental Illness

≈ 6 Comments

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Christianity and Depression, Mental Health, Mental Illness, Personal Journal

Getting back into blogging when you have been absent for a while can sure be tough can’t it?

Especially when you wake up with your brain in “scatter-brain” or “defiantly uncooperative” mode!

I have several things that I want to achieve this week but for some reason my brain is not willing to co-operate with me today. (Not sure exactly what it is I did to upset it) But such is life!

The truth is that we can all get these kind of days can’t we? Days when our focus seems to be a little off? Days when clarity of thought seems just beyond us slightly?

And the truth is, in my experience, that suffering fro mental illness or poor mental health does not make these kind of days unique to us it is just that sometimes the frequency and severity of these days can be greater for us.

But I refuse to be beaten by this! There are things that I want to achieve and achieve them I will.

One of the best ways to counter this kind of challenge in my experience – second of course to a good time of prayer – is to make a to do list.

They help me to focus where my brain seems unable to do so for me.

They provide a ‘grounding’ a foundation from which to build if you will.

They provide ‘direction’. You can map out your intended and your actual progress.

They provide a ‘safety-net’ so that the chance of things being over looked or forgotten is reduced.

Of course there are things to watch out for when compiling a “to do” list…

Be kind to yourself – Don’t create too many expectations and allow for and tolerate any mistakes.

Be calm – Prayer always helps me with this one. You already know that you are struggling so any progress you make is a positive isn’t it?

Be realistic – don’t overload yourself or set impossible goals.

Be flexible – life can often throw us curve balls

Be positive – is it really the end of the world if you don’t get it all done?

Be sensible – prioritize the things that are urgent and those things that are important and those things that are necessary as well as those things that you simply want to do.

Be objective – allow yourself to revisit your list and alter it where needed.

Be receptive – if you need help allow yourself to ask for it and accept it.

Be determined – writing a “to do” list is only part of the process, actioning it is equally as important.

So, Mr brain – you little monkey – I refuse to be beaten today and I will achieve that which I want to achieve! I am off to make a coffee, spend some time in prayer, and write my “to do” list!

I will let you all know later how I got on.

Of Convivial Christianity

21 Monday Jan 2013

Posted by boldkevin in Christianity, Depression, Healing, Journal Entry, Mental Health, Mental Illness, Poor Physical Health, Relationships

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Christianity and Depression, Mental Health, Mental Illness, Personal Journal, Relationships

Yes I know that this is a mental health blog and not specifically a Christian blog. But it is, at the end of the day, a blog through which I do share about mental health in general and more specifically about my personal mental health and since I am a Christian for me to ignore my Christianity and how it affects my mental health (and vice versa) would be impossible for me.

And the truth is that I had an excellent day yesterday

I managed to get back to Church – always such a blessing – and it is at times like these, when I haven’t been able to attend church for a week or two, that I really do realize just how much attending church means to me.

There is just something special, something beyond the physical, something so spiritual that happens to me when I walk into a church and immediately my spirit leaps at the praise and worships that is going on around me.

To stand in free abandonment and simply let go and let God is just something that I can never tire of and without which I would be so very incomplete. The truth I that I am at “home” when at church and I know and recognize this and it is such a blessing to be able to have a place where – even with my poor mental health – I can feel such peace and such acceptance and such love.

Immediately after church there is the usual gathering for tea, coffee, biscuits (or cookies as some would know them) and plenty of chat, and again this blesses me so very much. In truth I am -despite appearances to the contrary – a very private person and one who is very comfortable with solitude. But even so there is a special quality about joining with others and simply sharing; time, experiences, concerns, prayer needs, hopes and above all else love.

After church we went back to Leigh and Idele’s place (Leigh and Idele are a couple who, along with their children, also attend the church) for a time of convivial fellowship and that sharing continued. I so recognize the blessings of all this and yes I recognize how much these blessings permeate their way through into my mental health also.

But I am also very mindful of those for whom getting to church, meeting up with other believers, is not possible either because their mental health make that so very difficult or because other people’s reactions to their mental health have been so harmful, unhealthy or unhelpful.

Mental health should never, in my opinion, be a reason to exclude someone from God’s family OR to make someone feel excluded from God’s family and I am truly saddened when I hear that this is the case.

I am so very thankful that I have found a church where I am accepted and loved and where my mental health is no seen as a reason not to love but more a reason to find different ways of seeing and loving. My fervent prayer will not only be that others who experience poor emotional, physical or mental health will also find this but that those who have already been so incredibly hurt will find new church families where Christ’s love is present.

Today I feel much better! Mentally, emotionally, and spiritually I feel so much more aware, so much more healthier. Physically I know that being out so long yesterday took a bit of a toll on me but it was so worth it.

When The Crows Gather.

19 Saturday Jan 2013

Posted by boldkevin in Christianity, Depression, Mental Health, Mental Health Awareness, Mental Illness, Physical Health, Physical Health Awareness, Poor Physical Health

≈ 7 Comments

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Christianity, Christianity and Depression, Depression, Mental Health, Mental Illness

picture courtesy of wikipedia

I have, several times in fact, heard of depression being referred to as the ‘black dog’.

I have to be honest here and say that I really don’t like that label or the picture that it represents.

Yes I know that black is a color often understandably linked to depression and yes I know that dogs sometimes follow you around and get under your feet. But I just find the picture contradictory as a dog (of any color) is meant to be man’s best friend and actually I really like dogs. Whereas I really don;t like depression lol.

No, when it comes to my depression, I just can’t bring myself to think of it, or refer to it as ‘the black dog’.

Now a gathering of crows however, well now that is an entirely different story and a terms which I am more than willing to link to or use in reference to my depression.

I personally have a long and sinister link to crows. One featured very heavily in my childhood. Additionally they have long since been linked to sinister dark things and to cap it all off, the technical term for a gathering or group of crows is a ‘murder’. And if anything can murder happiness depression can. So yes crows are much more suitable as a picture of depression in my opinion.

So why am I telling you all this? Well because those darned crows have been a gathering i my life recently and I didn’t even realize it until a couple o days ago.

Regular readers and followers of this blog will know that I haven’t been posting of late and will know that this is because my health took a turn for the worst again.

Actually it started before Christmas and got progressively worse since then. I contracted some sort of flu like virus and it really knocked be for six! And no matter what I did I couldn’t shake it. Additionally, it aggravated my heart condition and fatigue took hold and stayed with me for weeks. All of which I was perfectly aware of and (as I thought) fairly used to as these things happen frequently in my life as a result of my general health.

What I hadn’t realized, however, was just how this was affecting me mentally and spiritually. Without knowing it I started losing my joy and my hope and this in itself was simply adding to and complicating my response to my physical illnesses.

I started losing my resilience and my ‘fight’ as more and more crows gathered (metaphorically speaking).

Actually it wasn’t until one of my adopted parents mentioned that they wondered if I had become more and more depressed as a result of this latest bout of illness, and I had listened to a recorded sermon from one of my pastors ( I couldn’t make church and was uploading the sermon to the church website anyway so I thought I would listen to it) that I realized just what was happening.

Depression is such a complex thing and I really do understand the genetic and neurochemical factors involved in some, including my own. depression. But the presence of genetic and/or nuerochemical factors does not automatically exclude the presence of additional circumstantial or environmental or emotional or psychological or spiritual factors.

I am convinced that regardless of the presence of genetic and/or nuerochemical factors we need to do all that we can to have a positive and healthy attitude of mind and of heart if we are to beat this thing. And that is a lesson I am constantly having to relearn or remember it seems.

Thankfully my physical health appears to be on the mend, at least to the point it was prior to this latest bout of illness and whilst I am still very fatigued I am getting stronger each day!

I am so grateful for this and I am so very grateful that I have people in my life who will bring positive messages and encouragements to me. I am also very thankful for all the prayers that folk have been praying on my behalf.

Hopefully I will be back posting as normal within a few days but I did want to post this update to everyone and to thank everyone for their love, concern, encouragement and prayers.

Each and every expression of love, each and every word of encouragement, each and every demonstration of concern, each an every prayer offered on my behalf has been an active and definite weapon against that gathering of crows that I mentioned.

And for this I am extremely thankful and I praise God for each an every one of you who have been a part of it.

Kind Regards and God bless you.

Kevin

Versatile Blogger Award

11 Friday Jan 2013

Posted by boldkevin in Awards

≈ 2 Comments

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Awards

This morning I learned that I or rather this blog (well maybe both) have again been nominated for a Versatile Blogger Award.

The nomination, comes from Minted Moose over at ‘My Life, My Way, My Words!‘ and I am of course very grateful that she should consider me and this blog for this award.

The rules for the award are as follows…

1. Display the Award Certificate on your website - done

2. Announce your win with a post and link to whoever presented your award – done

3. Present 15 awards to deserving bloggers - see comment below

4. Drop them a comment to tip them off after you’ve linked them in the post – done

5. Post 7 interesting things about yourself - see below

My Nominations…

Because of my current health, and the fact that I have previously nominated several blogs and bloggers for this award, I am going to respectfully skip the whole nominating others part of this award and hope that folk understand.

But so as not to cheat anyone here are my 7 interesting facts about myself (although I doubt they will be very interesting but they are facts at least)

My Facts…

Fact 01. I have only ever travel internationally twice in my life and one of those times is dubious as to whether you would call it internationally. Once was with my wife and son to Jersey (one of the Channel Islands) and the other was over here to Ireland in order to relocate here.

Fact 02. I have only ever flown three times in my life. Once a boy when I was in the Royal Marine Cadets I got to fly in (and for a brief moment or two actually operate) a helicopter, and the other two times were those short 25 minute flights too and from Jersey. And I have to tell you that Jersey is a lovely place for a nice quiet relaxing holiday!

Fact 03. Whilst I am very much ‘pro-life’ I do strongly believe that all too often, as is often the case with many causes) the feelings and hurts and fears of people are ignored, abused or neglected within the passions that are held concerning the issue.

Fact 04. I am fundamentally opposed to any form of fundamentalism Sorry couldn’t resist that one. But it is true I am very cautious of most forms of fundamentalism.

Fact 05. I am a pipe smoker. Have been for some time now and I thoroughly enjoy being one – even though I know that it is not good for my health or the health of those around me. Although I hardly ever smoke my pipe in the company of others within enclosed areas unless they too smoke.

Fact 06. Whilst I am really into technology and gadgets and do indeed have a kindle and whilst I do of course recognize the benefits that they offer, I am so very old fashioned in many of my ways and attitudes and far prefer a good old fashioned printed book.

Fact 07. And on the subject of books, very few things wind me up or irk me nowadays but one thing that does still irk me is when people highlight or underline or mark or fold the page corners over in books. Yes I know it is their book and they can do what they like with it but for me it reduces the value of a book and means that should you wish to lend the book to a friend they then are subjected to you additions etc. (Hm. should fact 8 be that I can be a grumpy old git sometimes?)

So there you have it.

Again my thanks go to Minted Moose over at ‘My Life, My Way, My Words!‘ for this very kind invitation and my apologies for not repeating the nominations process.

Always Look For The Good Things!

09 Wednesday Jan 2013

Posted by boldkevin in Fun, Just for Fun

≈ 11 Comments

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Fun, Just For Fun

I have been incredibly tired lately, so tired that doing anything is pretty much too much at the moment.

But that doesn’t mean I don’t enjoy a good chuckle.

Things that make you chuckle are important aren’t they?

I saw this when in bed checking my Facebook and enjoyed the chuckle it gave me. So thought I would share it with you all.

Hope you enjoy it. I love all the different reactions but my favorite is the one who does a double (triple, quadruple,) take.

Have fun.

Hm. Funny Word It Is… “Mature”

09 Wednesday Jan 2013

Posted by boldkevin in Hm Funny Word It Is

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Hm Funny Word It Is

Hm. Funny Word It is… “mature“

Might not mean what you think it means, it might not.

From the mid-15th century it is.

Meaning “ripe“ it is.

Also meaning “careful“, or “well-considered,” it is.

From the Latin “maturus” meaning “ripe, timely, early” it is.

In the verb form to “bring to maturity” or to “ripen” from the Latin “maturare” it is.

Very interesting word it is.

Access All Areas

07 Monday Jan 2013

Posted by boldkevin in Depression, Mental Health, Mental Health Awareness, Mental Illness, Therapy

≈ 8 Comments

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Christianity and Depression, Depression, Mental Health, Mental Illness, Therapy

I wonder if you are familiar with those kind of lanyard badges that staff are often given at concerts and gigs and things?

Perhaps you have had one for work or something? I am sure that you know the kind of thing I am talking about, the kind of badge that affords access to different areas of a building or event ground.

Perhaps you have had one for work or for a gig or concert or show you have been involved with.

But what if instead of being the one wearing it you were the one giving them out? And what if instead of being in order to afford someone access to different areas of a gig or concert or show it was affording them different areas of your life?

Think, if you will, of your life as being one big house with many different rooms.

Each room contains an experience or set of related experiences or memories.

Some of those rooms you are more than happy to leave open and for folk to wander in and out of as they pleased.

Some, of course, you keep private just to be enjoyed by you personally or with those you hold most dear or trust the most.

It’s an interesting concept isn’t it?

Of course some of those rooms are very private aren’t they?

Rooms which contain memories or experiences that we are not willing to share or make publicly known or even share with very many of our closest friends or family.

Perhaps they contain experiences or memories of experiences that we have personally done to others or that others have done to us and which hold, for us and possibly for others, some form of hurt or shame, perhaps guilt or confusion.

So we lock them up and try to forget them or at least not revisit them very often.

And of course there are, for some of us, those rooms which we have locked as tightly and securely as possible and which we have pushed to the very recesses of our hearts and minds and which we have vowed never to return to again.

Rooms which contain perhaps the most painful or even the most shameful of memories or experiences. Things that we desire do deeply to be free of.

And yet are we? Are we really free all the time those rooms and their contents remain and remain unaddressed, unprocessed, unhealed?

Isn’t it true that related circumstances, similar events or situations portrayed; in films, written about in (or on) the news, expressed through songs etc, often instantly remind us of the existence of those rooms and the experiences and memories contained therein?

Isn’t this what happens when, for those of us who do so, we “trigger”?

And isn’t it true that for some of us, our depression – that which is not chemically induced – often comes from the existence of such rooms?

Indeed isn’t the very purpose of therapy to bring us to a point where we are able to safely unlock, open and enter those rooms. Processing and addressing and finding healing for that which was previously locked within them?

It is something that I have been giving a lot of thought to lately. And indeed something that I have been reflecting on in respect of who, if anyone, I would share the existence of, let alone access to, those rooms with.

So what about those lanyard badges and what about if you were the one giving them out and thus affording people different levels of access to those rooms – those parts of your life?

Who would you give them to? Who would you trust with them?

And here is a very interesting question in my opinion…

“Are there rooms in your life which you have not let anyone in or even know about and which, by doing so you might just be able to unlock and find healing for?”

WEGO Health Activist Award Nomination

04 Friday Jan 2013

Posted by boldkevin in Awards, Mental Health, Mental Health Awareness, Mental Illness

≈ 6 Comments

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Awards, Mental Health, Mental Health Awareness, Mental Illness

Now that I appear to finally be getting over the flu I am playing catch up again and so would like to apologize for not being very active with the old blog posting and commenting thing of late.

I assure you this was unavoidable and not out of lack of commitment or desire. I really do value all your comments and blogs and whilst I have tried to visit many of them since my last bout of illness began, commenting has not always been possible. So apologies for that

And in the spirit of playing ‘catch up’ one of the first items on my agenda is to say a huge thank you to dear Ellen from over at ‘Moonside‘ for nominating this blog for a “Best In show” award in the ’2012 WEGO Health Activist Awards’.

WEGO Health is, as their site states….

a different kind of social network, built from the ground up for the community leaders, bloggers and tweeters who are actively involved in health online. WEGO Health is a platform for committed health advocates to foster new relationships, gain access to helpful resources, and to grow their communities.

The Health Activists Awards are given to recognize the work and commitment of those who are actively involved in health online and to be nominated is a very great honor and one that I very much appreciate.

But more importantly, as a Mental Health blogger the very fact that this blog and thus Mental Health and Mental Health Awareness should be represented within these awards means even more to me.

So I am so very grateful for this nomination and the fact that we are all, as mental health bloggers, therefore represented within these awards.

MY understanding is that the nominations period is now over and that judging has now begun and I shall do my best to let you know the outcome. For my own part, even the fact that, as I say, we are all as mental health and mental health awareness bloggers and activists, represented already means so very much.

Why I am in a “huff”!

03 Thursday Jan 2013

Posted by boldkevin in Christianity, Mental Health Awareness, Mental Illness Stigma, Stigma

≈ 5 Comments

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Christianity and Mental Health, Mental Health, Mental Health Awareness, Mental Illness, Stigma

My blogging buddy over at ‘Pride In Madness‘ ( a blog well worth the read and following, I might add) put me onto an article which appeared in the Huffington Post an American or Canadian based outfit I believe and which lead with the headline…

Spirituality Linked To Mental Health ‘Demons’ Like Eating Disorders, Drug Abuse, Anxiety, Study Says

I always find that headlines so very often tell you right from the get go what angle the article is going to take – don’t you?

Because of the nature of this piece and because both mental health and spirituality are things that I am passionate about, and because I was asked by my blogging buddy ‘Pim’ to offer my opinion of the piece I thought I would do so through a specific post on the article.

So let’s take a look at it.

As well as the aforementioned headline, the article leads with the opening paragraphs…

Being spiritual may give life deeper meaning but it can also mess up your mind, research suggests.
A study found that people professing to be spiritual, but not conventionally religious, were more likely to suffer from a host of mental challenges.

Ok, says I, here’s a question for the article writer, headline writer, and editor responsible for said article and headline, “Did the research check to establish which came first – the spiritual tendencies or the mental health?”

It’s kind of an important consideration don’t you think? After all, a tendency for some of us who do suffer with mental illness or poor mental health to look towards the unconventional – including the spiritual – has long since been established has it not?

Is it that ‘people professing to being spiritual but not conventionally religious are more likely to suffer from a host of mental challenges’ or is it indeed that many of those interviewed had mental health challenges and then became open to being more spiritual?

The article then goes on to make the statement that “Their ‘demons’ included abnormal eating conditions, drug abuse, anxiety disorder, phobias and neurosis.“

Should I comment at this point about the cheap, tedious, even somewhat offensive use of the word ‘demons’ here? Perhaps not, it is perhaps just about excusable if I am to be charitable.

The article then makes the following generalized, nondescript and somewhat vague statement…

They were also more likely than others to be taking medication for mental health problems.

‘More likely than others’? What others? Who are these ‘others’? And is it a bad thing that “they” (whom, I am assuming are the ones who are admitting to having both mental health challenges and professing to being spiritual) are taking meds for those mental health challenges?

The article (which can be read here) then relays a statement made by one of the researchers – a professor from University College London – which apparently was made within the British Journal of Psychiatry and which, according to the article reads as follows…

Our main finding is that people who had a spiritual understanding of life had worse mental health than those with an understanding that was neither religious nor spiritual.

See now, I have a problem with such a catchall statement. The study (according to the same article) was based on “a survey of 7,403 randomly selected men and women in England who were questioned about their spiritual and religious beliefs, and mental state.”

Lent’s put that into perspective shall we. Wikipedia states that the world population is around 6.9 billion. Of which only some 1,100,000,000 are of ‘no religion’. Now whilst I am very open to the fact that Wikipedia is not the most reliable of sources it does occur to me that since only 1,100,000,000 are of ‘no religion’ and all the others are of some form of religion, making a statement that “people who had a spiritual understanding of life had worse mental health than those with an understanding that was neither religious nor spiritual” seems a little bit presumptuous to say the least.

The article did however furnish us with some interesting statistics, and I thought we could take a look at these and again put them into perspective….

Statistic 1. “Of the participants, 35% described themselves as “religious”, meaning they attended a church, mosque, synagogue or temple. The vast majority of this group (86%) were Christian.“

Ok. So that equates to only 2,591 of that 7,403 people claiming to be “religious” (meaning they attended a church, mosque, synagogue or temple) and some 4,812 not being ‘religious’.

Statistic 2. “A further 19% claimed to have spiritual beliefs or experiences without following a specific religion, while 46% were neither religious nor spiritual.“

OK. So only 1,406 people claimed to have spiritual beliefs or experiences without following a specific religion?

Statistic 3. “More than nine out of 10 were white British, with an average age of 46.“

Hm. Hardly what you would call a decent or representative cross section then, now is it?

Statistic 4. “Of the different groups, spiritual people were 50% more likely to have a generalized anxiety disorder and 72% more likely to suffer from a phobia.“

OK, I have to ask – what different groups and why yet another unquantified ambiguous statement?

Statistic 5. “They also had a 77% higher chance of being dependent on drugs and were 37% more at risk of neurotic disorder.“

‘They’ being the spiritual people of whom we still haven’t established which came first the mental challenges or the spirituality? And of which 19% had no affiliation with a church or temple or mosque or religious based support or grounding base.

Statistic 6. “Spirituality was also associated with a 40% greater likelihood of receiving treatment with psychotropic drugs.“

OK, now bear that last statistic in mind as you read the following statement which directly follows the statistics within the article and see if you can make any sense of it all…

Individuals of religious faith and those with none experienced equal levels of mental problems, the study found.

“Individuals of religious faith and those with none experienced equal levels of mental problems, the study found.” (Confused? I don’t blame you!)

The article then goes on to admit…

“But there were fewer problems with drugs or alcohol among the faithful.”

See here’s the deal as far as I see it, and I need to preface this statement with an open admission that

a)I have Aspergers and so sometime fail to see opposing arguments, and

b) I would very ,much appreciate your feedback and your take on the article in question,

But for me the whole tone of the article – it’s headlines, construct and selective statistics – just adds to the stigma that mental health already suffers unjustly and at the same time seeks to slip in somewhere at the end, where folk would be less likely to read in my opinion, the actual truth of the whole matter.

A truth that can be found not only in those last two statements admitting that “Individuals of religious faith and those with none experienced equal levels of mental problems, the study found.” and that “there were fewer problems with drugs or alcohol among the faithful.” but also in this statement found right at the end (the penultimate paragraph) of the aforementioned article…

We conclude that there is increasing evidence that people who profess spiritual beliefs in the absence of a religious framework are more vulnerable to mental disorder.

I am a Christian, I have made no secret of that, and so I can only come at this whole thing from a Christian’s point of view. But I have to tell you that the fact that they concluded that “there is increasing evidence that people who profess spiritual beliefs in the absence of a religious framework are more vulnerable to mental disorder.” comes as no surprise to this writer.

The article then comments on similar American studies and states that

Unlike some American studies, the new research found no clear relationship between religious belief and happiness.

Going on to say that…

One recent large internet study in the US reported that non-religious people with spiritual beliefs were emotionally less stable than other groups.

Adding…

However, they made up only 2% of the study sample.

Much reference is made about “spiritual belief” and much use of the phrase “spiritual people” was made within this article and as a Christian who believes in God and thus in the Bible, I fully believe, we are all spiritual people were we but to understand and realize that.

Is it possible that a spiritual belief or awareness could heighten or increase the challenges that we face? Absolutely it is, in this writer’s opinion. After all, does it not open us up to another plane of existence and one in which we also need to consider and address our standing?

But doesn’t it, shouldn’t it, also open us up to another source of help and healing? Would have to be my question. And shouldn’t our spirituality have the same grounding and firm basis as anything else in our lives? Would have to be my next question.

Trust me, I am not blind to the hurt or damage that has been done by some religious organizations, churches, fellowships, temples, mosques, denominations etc etc etc.

I am a person who openly writes about my mental health challenges and my faith and who has been so very much touched and deeply saddened by some of the accounts shared with me by others who also write about their mental health and who have been hurt so very badly in the past by such organizations.

But the very idea of having a spiritual awareness and belief without structure, framework or support based grounding scares silly for those who entertain such things. It is like blindfolding yourself, indiscriminately spreading petrol soaked firewood all around yourself and then lighting a match.

Do I believe we are spiritual beings? Absolutely I do! But do I believe we were ever intended a spiritual beings to be left alone, directionless and without support or guidance? Not in a million years!

For the record and in the interest of fairness I have no axe to grind with the Huffington Post and for the record I am not familiar with any of their other pieces. I live in Ireland and it doesn’t feature over here to my knowledge. So for all I know it might be an excellent outfit with excellent articles. But I do have a problem ( just in case you didn’t notice LOL) with this particular article and its headline.

As a blogger I have often written about the need for us to consider our health in respect of mental, physical, emotional and spiritual terms and how an holistic approach is what is needed.

As a Christian I often include my faith within the pieces that I write and I get so very tired when “faith” and having a spiritual awareness or belief appears to be attacked.

But even more importantly as a mental health blogger and as a mental health activist I cannot sit idly by and watch yet more unfair and unjust stigma be thrown our way. Nor can I remain silent when I see something which, in my opinion, is specifically designed to turn people away from faith – faith which can and is, in the opinion of this writer, invaluable and essential to our whole health.

So that is “why I am in a huff”.

As I say – being mindful of my Aspergers – if I do have it wrong I do apologize, and I do so very much invite your viewpoints and feedback. And I would again like to make it clear that this post is by no means meant to be an attack or a slight against the Huffington Post themselves. only a commentary and hopefully a balance redressing in respect of that one particular article.

I am passionate about mental health awareness and the unfair and unjust stigma all too often thrown our way. I am also passionate about my faith and I do feel the headline and indeed the article featured above was inflammatory and unhelpful, to say the least, in respect of both.

I am so grateful for my faith and my spiritual awareness and I have to tell you that without them and without the love and support and caring and guidance and grounding given to me by my church I do not know where I would be or what state my spiritual, emotional, physical or mental health would be in.

I am so very grateful to “Pim” from over at Pride in Madness for bringing this article to my attention and I look forward to hearing your comments and opinions.

Kind Regards and God bless you all.

Kevin.

Being ‘SMART’ About New Years Resolutions!

31 Monday Dec 2012

Posted by boldkevin in Uncategorized

≈ 9 Comments

I wonder if you do the whole New Years Resolutions thing?

new-years-resolution2013

Personally it is something that I tend not to do myself but I am mindful that some folk do tend to do them and I am also mindful that for some they only end up as another vehicle through which we can feel like we have failed again.

Some of us can be like that sometimes can’t we? Focusing on the failures and not the successes? Our internal dialogue seems to take over, bashing us over our heads with these things. And indeed when you experience mental illness or poor mental health sometimes this can be heightened.

So how about this year we be “SMART” about it? How about we use ‘Smart Goals’ when making New Year’s resolutions if we are to make them?

‘Smart goals’ are goals used within projects in order increase the potential for success. And below you will find a list of the usual ‘smart goals’, plus (in red) a few that I have added which I feel are important if you, like me, experience mental illness or poor mental health…

S – specific, significant, stretching, safe,

M – measurable, meaningful, motivational, manageable,

A – agreed upon, attainable, achievable, acceptable, action-oriented, affirming,

R – realistic, relevant, reasonable, rewarding, results-oriented, rational,

T – time-based, timely, tangible, trackable, thoughtful.

So how about it? If we are going to do the whole New Year’s Resolution thing, and start the year off with a personal project how about we do so being “smart”!

new-years-resolution2013smart

War Horse – A Review

31 Monday Dec 2012

Posted by boldkevin in Journal Entry, Just for Fun

≈ Leave a Comment

Tags

Just For Fun, Personal Journal

One of the benefits of being sick and not having the energy to do very much at all really is that some thing don’t require you to do very much at all really.

And laying in bed watching a movie is one of those things.

Now laying in bed and doing nothing is not something that comes naturally to me. I like to be active, keep busy and at very least keep my mind occupied. But, since any time that I have been able to get up has been swallowed up by editing a boxing video for my son having a film or three to lay in bed and watch has been a very real blessing!

And what a blessing it was!

picture courtesy of http://www.imdb.com

The film “War Horse” is a wartime drama with a difference featuring, in the main, on the exploits of – yes no prizes for guessing it, a horse.

And yet it is so much more than this.

Starring Jeremy Irvine, Emily Watson and David Thewlis it is a really excellent film in my opinion and one which moved me to all kinds of different emotions and thoughts and reflections as the plot played out.

Not being one who is in the habit of writing spoilers let me just say that it is without doubt a film which touches the heart and which is made with wonderful cinematography, excellent scenery, marvelous music and a great deal of heart to boot!

Nominated for I think some 6 Oscars, it runs for some 146 minutes and is captivating if, like me, you have a softer side to your nature.

More details concerning this film can be found at the Imdb site (which I strongly recommend to anyone into movies) but suffice to say that I am really grateful to the dear friend who sent it to me and o very thankful for the chance to sit (or in my case lay) and watch it.

I am also very thankful that I did so alone as the site of me full of flu, coughing and spluttering and so very bunged up and yet still managing to cry my eyes out at certain parts of the film is not something I would wish to share or recommend to anyone LOL.

And on a really bright note to it all. I am, feeling a lot better today and even got to sit up for a while and watch the movie “Prometheus” this evening. Now that is a very different film. But that is perhaps the subject of another review

This site employs the Trigger Warning Sign.

I will, where possible, display this sign at the start of any post where I consider the subject matter to be of a sensitive nature and such that could cause possible distress to others.

Please understand that sensitivity is a very personal thing and thus I cannot guarantee that something posted on this site which I do not consider to be sensitive or to potentially cause distress (and thus does not include the displaying of this sign) will not cause distress to some. I therefor apologize in advance if this happens.

Further information concerning the Trigger Warning Sign can be found here.

Please also be aware that the author of this blog makes no claims to be an expert in this field or a mental-health practitioner of any sort.

The views and opinions expressed in this blog are exactly that - simply views and opinions of the author as a mental illness sufferer and it is strongly advised that readers seek professional advice before making any decision in respect of their own mental health and/or the mental health of those in their care.

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Voices of Glass

~ One man's journey through Paranoid Schizophrenia, Mental Health, Faith and Life.

Kevin and His Amazing Multi-shaded Vision Coat

Under Pressure (but smiling through)

Discussing The Holy Weak.

When You Are One of The Toys Thrown Out of The Pram!

Stand By Me – Wherever You Are.

Who’s Failing Who?

Very Inspiring Blogger Award

Perfect Love….

…casteth out fear.

Climbing Out of The Hole.

A. W. O. L.

Acceptance

Mental Health and the Church

When The Tears Won’t Fall

Not As ‘Potty’ As You Might Think

Standing Firm In The Struggles…

…and Surviving The Attacks!

Confused!

Let’s Talk About Talking – Breaking Down Mental Health Stigma!

Blog For Mental Health 2013

And Carrying On From Yesterday.

To Do Lists

Of Convivial Christianity

When The Crows Gather.

Versatile Blogger Award

Always Look For The Good Things!

Hm. Funny Word It Is… “Mature”

Access All Areas

WEGO Health Activist Award Nomination

Why I am in a “huff”!

Being ‘SMART’ About New Years Resolutions!

War Horse – A Review

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