Possible Trigger Warning
When I decided to start this blog – long before it also took the form of a website – I determined, and thus made a vow to myself, that I would do my best to always be open and honest and to not shy away from matters that were controversial or unpopular or difficult.
Since making that very clear and conscious decision I have – to all intent and purposes – very often laid myself bare and stood emotionally, mentally and spiritually naked for all the world (or more realistically the tiny little part of the world who actually read this blog or visit this site) to see. And trust me, my not standing physically naked before you really is a blessing 
Actually, when it comes to my mental health and even when it comes to my voices I try to be open and honest and have to admit that only occasionally do I experience reluctant or hesitation in doing so. I figure how can I expect others not to assign any stigma to mental illness and those who suffer from it if I am assigning it to myself?
But when it comes to my self-harming it is a totally different matter. I experience far more reluctance and far greater hesitation when it comes to posting anything about this. Partly because I truly do believe self-harming, still has a huge stigma attached to it and partly because I am very conscious of and don’t want to add to anyone’s struggle with this.
However, studies show that writing and talking about this in a careful and sensitive way actually helps rather than hinders and so I have made the following decisions…
- I will not allow stigma to deter me from writing about this issue, my personal battle with it or from highlighting the issue of Self Harming, Self Injuring or Self abuse.
- I will, through my blog and my writing, seek to raise awareness of this issue and thus try to educate folk as to the needs, causes and difficulties experienced in respect of it.
- I will, through my blog and my writing, acknowledge that the reasons and motivations for such actions are numerous and diverse and are not limited to those of my own.
- I will, through my blog and my writing, acknowledge that the methodology chosen for such actions are also numerous and diverse and not limited to those of my own.
- I will, through my blog and my writing recognize and acknowledge that self-harming can very often be as much a symptom of other issues as it is an issue in its own right.
- I will, when writing my blog, actively seek to address the stigma and harmful, judgmental or negative attitudes all too often applied in respect of this issue.
- I will be very careful when composing a piece or indeed approving comments related to this issue,
- I will openly but sensitively share any experience or knowledge that I have relating to this issue and that comes from my own personal battle with it or my involvement in the experiences of those who are close to me and for whom I have great love and affection.
- I will encourage other sufferers to seek help and support in their battle with this issue.
- I will display a logo on this site to show my commitment to this.
In terms of my own struggle with this issue it all started a very long time ago now and whilst it is at the moment pretty much under control I am of course very much aware that it is something that seems to be linked to my emotional, mental and physical health and as a result may well reappear at anytime even after long periods of absence.
Additionally, other members of my family also have struggles in this respect and I have to be honest here, their struggles always seem far more important to me than my own.
My personal reasons or motivations and indeed my personal methodology is, I feel, better suited for discussion in a different post but what I do want to say in this post is that there is hope and that there is help available.
One of the hardest and most harmful parts of this whole thing for me personally has to be the after-effects and the resultant emotions and thought processes from having taken the choice or course of action of actually harming myself. Having to look at, attend to, and live with, the resultant wounds, often painful reminders and in some ways suggestive outcomes of my self-harming.
It is my fervent and sincere hope that by deciding to be more open about this issue in my life I can not only help combat it within my own life but also within the lives of other suffers, whilst at the same time providing an additional recourse for those who care for people also struggling with this issue.
I have never seen much written on the topic of self harming and I believe there is still a lot of misconception and stigma attached to it. Those who self harm often choose not to speak of it and family and friends of self harmers don’t usually want to admit there is a problem or really have no idea how to deal with it.
From the little bit of information that seems to be “out there” I think most people believe it is only about cutting ad it is an “issue” for teenagers, a way to seek attention. That is certainly the way it is portrayed in the media, so I think it is a bold and brave step for you to speak on this topic through your blog and I believe it can and will help many people.
Hey Bev,
Thanks for taking time to comment.
I think you are right in what you say. You mentioned that you haven’t seen a lot written on the topic and in some ways you are right. But then isn’t that one of the accompanying characteristics to stigma? It causes folk to hush up about it. In terms of the association with teenagers yes that is the way it is portrayed and sadly there is reason for this, but it is by no means exclusive to teenagers and indeed it is often experienced in the lives of folk both older and younger than teenagers.
As for m being bold and brave by coming clean about it in my life, well that is kind of you. I have to admit that I am just not sure what the reaction will be to my choosing to be more open about this in my life. I am sure I will receive some negative reactions but then I am pretty much of the opinion that anyone who responds with negativity is by their very reaction proving the point that raising awareness, challenging attitudes, and educating folk on this issue is so needed.
Again thanks for commenting.
Lots of love
That is one area I have never ha to deal with – cutting.
Amazingly I react with some of the typical “Ugh – that stupid/sick” sometimes (me who punched walls just to feel something …but i didn’t cut so …)
But then the other half of me sees the above statement and goes “…. OH!!!!”
but your are right there is still stigma to this – there shouldn’t be and you’re doing the strong thing here
Congratulations on giving us another step to climb out of these trenches we’ve dug for ourselves between the pits others tossed us in.
Hi rmridley,
Really appreciated your comment and am so grateful to you for taking time to make them.
Your comments interested me very much, I know from what you said that you had already noticed this but I think it is worth mentioning again…
Self harming – is not specific to cutting and in fact cutting is only a portion of the related behavior or possible chosen methodology, albeit that it is the one that most people immediate think of and all too often only associate with self-harming.
Very interestingly you then go on to say that you “punched walls just to feel something” – I think it could easily be argued that this behavior is in itself another form of self harming. Some self-harmers do so for that very reason – to feel something or at least to feel something tangible and it is of course therefore perhaps jeopardous to justify hurting yourself by punching walls by saying “at least I didn’t cut”.
Your reaction of “Ugh – that’s stupid/sick” is I am afraid very common and sadly extremely harmful, just as harmful as the “their only doing it for attention” rubbish that people often respond with.
Whilst it is of course possible that some may do it for that reason, although extremely few do, I think it is worth mentioning that even if the motivation is a desire or need for attention, that in and of itself is still a very real need and one that needs addressing.
So far, I am pleased to be able to say, that all of the comments I have received are, like yours very encouraging, and I am pleased I wrote the post. Of course only time will tell.
Kind Regards,
Kevin.
yes that double think is why I shake my head when I have the thought of ‘stupid’ because I realise I actually do it (or want to) just in less ‘obvious’ ways.
Funny how our brains can ‘relabel’ things to hide things from us.
I’m glad I found your blog – you keep writing, I’ll keep commenting.
Why don’t you swing over to my site and enter to win a free book on mental health (i have piece in it but get no profit from sales – but the contest is for awareness)
You can’t go wrong with a free book!
(I’d be delighted if you’d mention it on here but I would also understand if you did feel comfortable doing so)
Hi again,
Just a quick response to your last comment.
I would be very willing to pop over to your place and check it out but I am not sure you have ever mentioned where it is.
Please do feel free to let me know the address and I will check it out.
Many thanks
Kind Regards,
Kevin.
Hey, here is a link – I made it straight to the contest page so that if any of your readers want to have a chance to win they can easily get there.
Creativity From Chaos – Free Book Contest!
Hi rm,
Many thanks for the link. I am going to pop over and check out your blog this morning.
Kind regards
Kevin
I have always felt a touch of hesitation each time I blog about something so sensitive like that. But, I know that every time I read an personal account of such incidents, I feel more human. I do feel the pain of the others, but it also helps me heal. I’m not a monster. None of us are.
I feel like it’s my duty to be honest about it, word for word. But, I’m also very careful to put a disclaimer on it. I’d never forgive myself for being responsible for inspiring anyone to do any harm to themselves.
This is a great subject to explore. Thanks for opening up the topic to everyone!
Hi Lulu,
I agree with your comments here. I really was quite reluctant about this post and that is why I displayed the Possible Trigger Warning sign at the head of the piece and indeed why I have it on the side margin of my blog/site.
I am so very keen that the blog be a source of help, information, encouragement and support for those who need it and feel that the potential for this is increased when we can be open and honest and real about things and yet like you I do feel a great sense of responsibility not to hinder or detrimentally affect anyone though my openness.
As I said in my post, the stigma in respect of this subject is huge and needs addressing. Only by addressing this subject in a healthy, open, positive and yet real way do I think that this stigma can be addressed.
Hope you are doing ok.
Kind Regards
Kevin.
You have reminded me. I really need to add a blanket disclaimer on my site. I’ve been meaning to, because I really don’t want to be reckless about the information I provide.