When the television gets too much for us, or the radio or mp3 player we simply turn it off. In truth, and let’s be candid here, when people get too much for us we simply withdraw or walk away, or if the relationship permits, we simply address it and hope for a resolution or a respite from it.
But what does one do when it is the internal dialogue that is too much for us to cope with?
You can’t turn it off as there are no on/off or volume controls.
You can’t withdraw or walk away as they come with you.
You can’t address it with them – trust me I have tried – because it just serves to incite or encourage them further.
The meds – the chemical doctors of hopelessness – serve only to reduce them slightly or to send you into such a sedated “zombi-esque” state that actually functionality in all other areas is seriously impaired.
So what are you left with? Prayer and prayer alone it seems.
OK as has just been pointed out to me by the peanut gallery that wonders the recesses of my mind, that is not all that you are left with. You also have the self-same internal dialogue that you started with.
I wish my response was prayer, but unfortunately I am a lot more self-descrutive. When my “internal dialogue” becomes to much for me to handle, I get really high (I used to get really drunk, but I quit drinking a few years ago. Since then I have been struggling with sobriety, because I am afraid of leaving myself alone with my thoughts) till I am unable to function.
As the saying goes, ignorance is bliss. And when I become depressed, or manic or both (I suffer from Bipolar Disorder, mixed episodes, rapid cycling, ocd and agoraphobia), all I want to do is fall into oblivion.
I hope that you were able to find a positive way to address your “internal dialogue.”
Dave.
Hi Dave,
Many thanks for your response to my recent blog post. It is great to make contact with you. In response I have certainly visited your blog and checked out your writings. If you don’t mind I would like to put a link to your blog in my blogroll?
Trust me I understand your comments concerning “ignorance being bliss” and indeed the preference for oblivion over the possible alternatives.
My own battle in respect of “escape” and “sobriety” started many years ago now and from the get go took the drugs route rather than the alcohol route. In many ways I am grateful for this and for the fact that I have been clean from non-prescription drugs for over 24 years now BUT trust me the temptations are still very much there.
The reason I share this is so that you can know right from the outset that I am not and will not judge you and so that you can be assured that I understand some of what you are going through. Please know that you are in my prayers and please feel free to keep in touch.
God bless you
Kevin.
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