I guess when you suffer from poor health you develop and gratitude for the things that are still positive.

Despite all my physical health problems I am still able to be fairly mobile and despite the doctors and specialists predictions and warnings I m still here and am still fighting (Thanks to God’s good grace) I still have all my limbs (albeit slow, heavy and cumbersome ones what with the swellings) and I am very much aware there are so many people out there who suffer far worse physical health than I do.

Of course the flip side to making sure that you remain grateful for what you do have is that when what you do have starts to worsen you get a little concerned.

Those who know me well, or even slightly, will know that I experience difficulties with my mental health and depending on how well you know me you will understand how and where these difficulties manifest themselves.  In truth this is something that I have struggled with most of my life and whilst I tried to deny it and indeed hide most of it for a long time it eventually got to a point where I could hide it no longer.

More recently however, well for few months now I have experienced times where I have great difficulties focusing, remembering and even comprehending.  Remember my mentioning that you become grateful for what you do have?  Well I may not physically be able to do much but my brain has been something I have always tried to keep active and is one of those things I have always been grateful for.  So these periods where it doesn’t seem to function properly are very concerning.

Te things I am experiencing include….

Walking from one room to another and then not remembering why I went in there.  Regularly misplacing stuff and later finding them in the silliest of places.  Loosing great chunks of time and not knowing what I have done in that time.  Suddenly realizing that I am down in town without a proper jacket and not even knowing why I went there.  Forgetting my meds.  Having no recollections of conversations. Trying to read and already forgetting what the paragraph I had just read contained even before I start the next paragraph.

Again the good news is that these things are not constant and seem to come and go with times of normal mental functioning a lot of the time.

My doctors and psychiatrists are concerned (and not too unduly) but on the positive side do say it could just be…

A spin-off of my other mental health problems,

Due to the type or amount of meds I am on

Or even my lack of sleep.

But they also say it could be something different or more serious and so  have scheduled a brain scan for me on the 5th of next month and so we should know more then.

I am a little worried about this I have to admit but I have prayer and hope